Coming Back to the Present
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A student reflects on their return to regular meditation practice, discovering less resistance than expected and a growing ability to notice conditioned patterns as they arise.
Coming Back to the Present
A student reflects on their return to regular meditation practice, discovering less resistance than expected and a growing ability to notice conditioned patterns as they arise.
I tend to obsess a little, and then I have to say, "No, no, come back, come back." But I have been meditating pretty regularly since we spoke a few weeks ago, and it's been very good. I don't feel hardly any resistance, actually. That's been surprising. I had this whole image built up of myself, and it turns out it doesn't match reality. It's funny: talk about relationship, the relationship with yourself.
It was so good because it was just natural. The conversation we had was so natural, and it's just one step after the other, coming back to the present. That's what I got: just coming back to the present. I don't always notice when I've drifted, but it's easier and clearer now. I would say over the last three years or so, it's gotten better. A red flag goes up, and I can't stop the conditioning, but I can see it.
Right. And meanwhile, come to the meditation, just do your work, do what you need to do. You might be more ready than you think, because what you're saying can also be a way to say, "No way am I going there."
The image versus the reality
It's good that you're seeing this. The image you had built of yourself, the resistance you expected, it didn't match what actually happened when you sat down. That's important to notice.
Seeing without fixing
And what you're describing, the red flag going up, seeing the conditioning even though you can't stop it: that's the work. The pull is always to want to fix it, to solve it, to find the solution. But simply seeing it is already enough.