The Oscillation Between Knowing and Not Knowing
La oscilación entre saber y no saber
A question about the back-and-forth experience of glimpsing a deeper reality and then losing it, and whether there is any control over this oscillation.
The Oscillation Between Knowing and Not Knowing
A question about the back-and-forth experience of glimpsing a deeper reality and then losing it, and whether there is any control over this oscillation.
I was wondering at the mystery of all these things that you and other teachers talk about. Sometimes it feels so obvious and natural. For instance, in the meditation I did on Sunday, it was just: "Yeah, it is. There is this whole other reality that I am." And then, just now meditating, it seemed as though there was this entity making an effort. When seen from the other side, it's like: no, it has nothing to do with you, with the effort, with anything.
I'm just wondering at this oscillation, whether I have any control over it. I described the other day a feeling of being in Groundhog Day, where things repeat. But there seems to be this oscillation. Sometimes I suddenly realize, and it's so liberating and peaceful, and I feel grateful. And thinking about it now as I'm talking, it seems as if this oscillation is opening more often. I'm just wondering at the mystery of that, if you have something to say about it.
You're describing something that is quite central to this process. The more you have glimpses and tastes of something, let's call it reality, basically a glimpse of something more true and real than what you previously thought or believed it to be.
What a glimpse of reality reveals
To be really precise: a glimpse of reality is a recognition of something to be more real than what you previously took reality to be. And this can be seen in different ways. You believe you know what you are. You believe you know what reality is. And then you see something that, in contrast, shows that this was a belief.
This happens with factual things too. Think of the metaphor of Santa Claus. You believe Santa Claus is real, and then you discover he is real, but he's your parents. There are deeper beliefs that, when something is experienced as real, we don't recognize as beliefs. You experience it as reality. You're not saying "I believe this and that." You are living it as your reality.
So when you have a glimpse, and there's a contrast with your normal way of experiencing, you can then interpret that as "that was just some weird experience." It could be denied, put into question, suppressed. But if it's contemplated more seriously, and the longing for truth is deep, you're going to be flipping back and forth more often.
Loosening of beliefs
The more you start doing that, the more the beliefs, the relative reality, start to loosen. This back and forth you're talking about starts to become really polarized into a very defined duality: doing versus being, being everything and being something, being nothing and being something, having will and not having will. It becomes more pronounced and in a sense more confusing. But at some point, those two can be seen to be one. That is what cannot be described.
The process of flipping back and forth, and the increasing frequency of it, is a good sign. So don't get too attached to any particular explanation of what is real. For example: is there free will, or can I do something? The answer to those questions is always yes and no. If you try to define truth as an absolute answer to a dual question, you will fall back into something that is not real.
This is very interesting. It has to do with something I told you about, an experience where I asked this presence, this reality, what I could do. And I received this answer: "Live as if you know this. Stop pretending to live as if you're just a separate entity in control." And you told me something like "beware of knowing," beware of knowing what that is or what living like that is. Something like that, right?
Beware of defining the unknown
Yes. If I understand you correctly, the intuition you had is to stop pretending you don't know, to stop living as if you don't know what reality is. Let's call it reality, or the absolute. Stop pretending you're not that as well.
That's a really strong invitation and a very strong confirmation that it's the next step, because that presence is you. The dialogue is between you and another part of you. That seeing is calling out a kind of hypocrisy, the pretending of something that you already know not to be true.
And what I would say now, based on what you're describing, is to beware of defining that which is unknown. Don't turn it into something knowable or known. It's more like: "I am that, but I don't know what that is. I leave it open." It's mysterious, and I never know for certain. If you know what that is, it's not that. Because you will likely create an image of what it is, and by definition, it is mystery. It's unknowable. It's infinite. It's real. It's palpable. It's known. But to the mind, it will always be unknowable.
The oscillation is between two knowns
It's always present. It's always what you are. It's right now. And that oscillation you're describing is not between that which we're talking about (the unknowing) and the knowable. It's an oscillation between two knowns. "I have control." "I don't have control." It's still dualistic.
I understand: between two knowns. "I have control" and "I don't have control."
Exactly. There is an identity that could live in the reality of "I have no control." There's an identity that can live in the reality of "I have control." So you oscillate. The faster and deeper you oscillate, the more you will come close to a fundamental duality where identity is still safe, still holding on to beliefs.
Beyond the world of form
That other which you are does not inhabit the world of form. It embraces control and no control. And that's where the freedom is.
Yes, it feels like that when I have dreams like that. It doesn't matter what happens, whether there's existence or control in it. It's like another dimension.
And it's still present when you experience the opposite of what you're describing. It's still present when you don't feel freedom, when you don't feel whatever it is that you associate with it.
That's why it's important not to make it known. Not to say, "Oh, that is when I feel X, Y, Z." That's just the mind making it into something known so that you can pursue it and look for it somewhere other than where it is real right now.