Dissatisfaction with Work and Following the Deeper Energy
Insatisfacción con el trabajo y seguir la energía más profunda
A student brings a struggle with chronic dissatisfaction in work, torn between music, stock trading, and the desire for financial freedom, and the teacher explores where a deeper energy might be trying to lead.
Dissatisfaction with Work and Following the Deeper Energy
A student brings a struggle with chronic dissatisfaction in work, torn between music, stock trading, and the desire for financial freedom, and the teacher explores where a deeper energy might be trying to lead.
I'm not sure this has to do with what we've been working on. It probably goes more into my ordinary life, my work situation. I've talked to you about this before. I guess the book we're reading in the other group, the Ken Wilber one, stirred something up. It describes all the struggles of a woman who has cancer and is trying to find something beyond her identification with the doing aspect of life, with what to do with her life. She had been conditioned to a more masculine way of doing things and found that a more feminine approach was much more aligned with her essence. Something started moving in me around that.
To give some background: I work with music in a band, I also buy and sell instruments with a friend, and I do stock trading. There's something about the intellectual side of trading that really attracts me, but I'm not sure how much of that is conditioning and how much is genuine. I've been dedicating hours every day for years. There were easier periods, but for more than a year now I've been failing miserably.
There's also something in me that hates doing only one thing. I hate being defined. When people say, "Oh, but you're a musician, so that's what you should do," I hate it.
But lately I've been thinking: maybe I could be using those hours on something where I don't fail so miserably. It takes energy from other things. I know this may not be directly related to what we usually work on, but I feel so much frustration. Usually I'm fine, but there's something in me that's never satisfied with anything I do regarding work. Reading that book sparked an interest: maybe it's possible to be truly enthusiastic about your work. And it all gets mixed up with wanting to make more money, comparing myself to my partner who's doing really well, wanting to have the kind of freedom she has. So yes, it's a lot of things, but I wanted to bring it here.
Nothing is off-limits here. You're sharing about your life, and that's exactly what we talk about, even if people don't usually get into a lot of personal details. This is perfectly the right place to bring up what you're bringing up.
There are aspects of what you're struggling with that relate to the arts of living. Some people are masters in different arts. If you want to improve your musical process, it's good to go to people who are masters of the musical craft. Same with business. But here everything is included. We can talk about the struggle, and we can find ways for you to look at it differently.
So what would you say is the deepest struggle in what you're describing? Is it not making enough money? Is it a sense of not being fulfilled with your work? Is it the mirror you found in the book, where you can see how somebody can actually be very satisfied? Or is it something in the relationship?
I would say dissatisfaction with work, mainly. The music side, I know, is an important part of me. After playing I'm always energized, happy. At the same time, I'm never satisfied with what I do with this band in particular; it's just a job. And the trading aspect is about trying to make something else work and failing. So yes, basically dissatisfaction with work.
The trading question
As a friend, I could say: you're putting a lot of hours into trading and it's not giving a return, and it's been years. That doesn't sound like a promising path. It's not like you're building a project; you're trying to learn a technique, and it's been a very long time.
I'm wondering, and sorry to echo what people tell you, but how much is your frustration with music actually because you're not putting energy into the music you love?
Could be. I just don't believe it would be possible to make money that way. I know it's a belief.
Right now, how much of your total income comes from music?
Everything, actually, because buying and selling instruments also has to do with music.
The deeper source of dissatisfaction
It's hard to know how much of the dissatisfaction you're experiencing with work and money is coming from something deeper. In the example of the book you brought up, that woman did have a change in what she did, but I would say it came after an internal change that was catalyzed by cancer.
What I'd recommend is this: prioritize making as much money as you can with anything you're doing that actually makes money. Once that is in place and your energy is fully there, then work on the inner process. But I don't think you're putting enough energy into money-making work, music or otherwise. If you're putting years and daily hours into day trading and it's not making money, that is not energy directed toward money-making work. Whereas maybe writing songs and finding places to play them where they pay you might make more money than the stock market, for you.
I don't know about writing songs because in Spain it's mostly about cover bands. But at least trying to play more and get paid for it, that I could do.
There's a kind of dissatisfaction that work is just not going to satisfy.
Yes. And I started seeing a lot of that since we began working together.
But still, even while seeing that, you can discover that you have a lot more energy for movement, for pursuing, creating, co-creating. And maybe your reaction to people putting you in a box, or your saying you hate doing just one thing, is actually a resistance to really focusing on something and taking a big risk. Not a financial risk, but an internal risk.
Yes. I'm also very resistant to let go of trading. I've built a dream around it. You see people making thousands of dollars a minute and living wherever they want.
That's the kind of thing they sell you. But tell me: it's been many years. If you add all the money you put in and all the money you made, is the total positive or negative?
I'm not sure. Maybe break even, because I made many big mistakes that cost me money.
That doesn't seem to be a direction for you.
I'm afraid of quitting when maybe I'm near the point where I'd start being good at it.
Following the money, following the energy
That's possible. I'm not saying to quit, but if you can put the hours of effort you're investing in trading toward work that more immediately gives you money, then follow the money. Obviously with discernment: I'm not talking about anything unethical. But something you find an interest in. It could be something closer to the world of business, something a company would hire you for. I know you did some years of engineering, so you have that kind of mind. Think of it as: what's available where I have enough innate ability that I can see money more quickly, versus something that might pay off in a year or two? That delay is different if you're building a business and you start to see signs of things moving. But if you're learning a skill and over many years that same skill isn't working for you, that's important information.
It makes sense.
The hook
Now look at the dream itself. If you had made all this money with day trading, you see all these people making a lot of money: that's the hook. That's the sense that "if I get that, then I'll be okay." I think that's what's keeping you locked into a form of functioning that's stagnant.
It may be that you start making money in smaller amounts doing something else, but money is coming in sooner, with a more immediate feedback loop. For example, with music or selling instruments you're already seeing money more immediately. What other ways can you put more energy into those, or into something else, maybe completely different, where you see quicker feedback from the universe saying, "Here's money, this is working for you"?
I suspect you're attached to the day trading. You're investing time and effort into it, and it's already giving you sufficient evidence that it's not working for you. The universe isn't supporting you in that direction. And you're telling me that the interest is, "Well, people do it and they live in these big houses." That's the hook, the emotional pull. To me, that sounds like you're not coming from a deep enough place. You're not connecting deeply enough. If that's the thing that's moving you, you're not coming from a deep energy, and the universe isn't going to respond.
What the universe wants to live through you
One question you can work with is: what does the universe want to live through me, or as me? Although it's just a question and a kind of map, it can open you up to a deeper energy. Just assume that because you exist, there's something the universe wants to live as you, through you. That can move you.
When you move from that deeper energy, the universe is going to be supportive, because it's what the universe is wanting. I know this moves toward faith and trust, but that's what I'm proposing: do the experiment and trust.
You mean the universe would be supportive by giving me more energy, not necessarily more money?
Both. Energy and money. The money might be more indirect. It's not that the universe will suddenly throw money at you and make you rich, but there will be financial support for that direction. More importantly, you'll feel more energy, more awakening of capacities. Things won't feel like pure effort.
If everything feels like effort, if you don't want to do it but you need to because you need money, and that's where you're coming from, then you're not coming from a deep enough place. Occasionally that's what happens and that's what we need to do. But if that's the way you've been functioning for many, many years, then something needs to move.
I'm not sure I see that it's all effort or that I don't like doing it. But yes, the universe doesn't cooperate.
This is great. We can keep talking about this.
Thank you.