When What You Want Is Already Here
Cuando lo que quieres ya está aquí
A student shares the surprising discovery that pursuing music more fully has brought more peace, and wonders why this feels paradoxical when the teaching says what we seek is already here.
When What You Want Is Already Here
A student shares the surprising discovery that pursuing music more fully has brought more peace, and wonders why this feels paradoxical when the teaching says what we seek is already here.
My ears perk up when you talk about fears appearing because you're not doing something that is essential to you. With all the changes I've been going through, I've been going more fully into my music. It's strange, because in a way it feels like grace. Before, there were many judgments about myself: "I'm so afraid of this, I'm so afraid of that." Now something important has shifted, and I'm still shocked by it. It's as if I was repressing something, and now the more I put into doing music instead of just being in that old state, the more peaceful I feel. But I'm not sure why this surprises me.
I think there is something significant here. Before, I was in a much greater state of disequilibrium, and that made me feel much more fearful about everything. There's something about how it doesn't have to be that way. It's as if what we are, what you say is already here, what we don't have to do anything to get to, still wants to express itself in certain ways through each of us. And you have to be very tuned into that. I don't know how to say it another way.
Yes, completely. The thing is that it works together. The more you are in the delusion that what you want is not here, the more you will get lost chasing something that's not what you really want.
The given and the expressed
Put the other way around: the more you see that what you want is already here, the more you are able to express what you are and what you really want to express. You won't get caught up in chasing something far away. For example, if you want to create music, you grab a guitar and you dive into the process of creativity, of learning, of expression. There's joy there already, because that's what you want to do and it's available right now. But you could still get lost in "I will only be okay if I become a famous musician."
Yes, but it feels contradictory. What you want is already here, and yet if you're not doing what that wants to express, it won't be here anymore. The peace you look for is already here, but if you're not expressing it, somehow it disappears. I don't know.
It's not contradictory. It's contradictory to your mind. It's not even a paradox.
It is paradoxical. That's the right word.
Why it only looks like a paradox
Not really. I think it comes across as paradoxical to you because you've been believing something very unreal. What seems contradictory to you is this: if what I want is already here, then why would I be miserable if I don't do something about it?
What I'm saying is: what you want, what you are, is already here. The more that becomes a transparent reality for you, the freer you will be to do what you want, because you won't be looking for something somewhere else.
The more we are attuned to the given nature of beingness, to the fact that what we are is already given, the more creativity is expressed through us. In your case right now, it takes the form of music. But it could be philosophy or science or gardening or cooking or going for walks, in the way it is so uniquely expressed by any person, any being. There is no contradiction there.
The contradiction exists only at the level of the mind, because the mind can only think, "There's something I need to get to somewhere else, and I'll be okay when I get there." But you're telling me: "I was doing that, and I was in fear and distress. Now I'm just doing what I want, which is to make music, and I'm more at peace." So it's completely in harmony. There is no contradiction.
Creativity and presence
Before, you were trying to get somewhere. You were striving. Now you are diving into a creative process of simply exploring music. Even if there's a plan to record and put music out, you are going deeper and deeper into "I want to make music," and you make music.
Notice: when you are most in a flow of creating music, even if it's practicing and studying, it is more and more in the present moment. You're not looking to be anywhere else. You're not even reaching for the next beat. You're really attuned to that moment. So it's completely in harmony. There isn't a paradox. I can see that from the place of thinking where you were before, it could look like a contradiction. But it's not, really.