The Fear of What You Already Are
El miedo a lo que ya eres
A student describes tasting something beyond conditioning during the teacher's earlier response, and the teacher helps them recognize and acknowledge what was experienced, revealing a fear of well-being itself.
The Fear of What You Already Are
A student describes tasting something beyond conditioning during the teacher's earlier response, and the teacher helps them recognize and acknowledge what was experienced, revealing a fear of well-being itself.
That was a fantastic response. I felt it, even energetically. I could feel the whole process: there's this powerful locomotive of conditioning saying, "Run away from the fear and pain." And as you were speaking, I could feel how the mind slows down, in real time. The conditioning was dissipating, and then there's nobody to make anything happen. Once it dissipates, that is the process. The non-existence of the conditioning, whatever you want to call it. It was so amazing just to feel what you were saying.
Is there also something else? I want to point to something. I can foresee that you have a taste of something, and if I'm pointing to it, it's like: yes, there is already some kind of well-being here, right now. Because when you speak back, there's this excitement, there's a big "yes" in your expression. What is that coming from? What did you taste?
That's a good question. What did I taste?
"Taste" is a word for this raw sensation, this raw experiencing.
It's hard to put into words, but what seems to underlie it is what I've said before: where it's coming from. There's this authenticity that I resonate with. What's really real. It's hard for me to say much more than that because I feel a lot of the conditioning. But beyond the conditioning, there's a very, very clear pointing to something, and I guess that's what I resonate with. I can't be more clear than that.
Tasting something in yourself
You're talking about authenticity and where it's coming from, and you're referring to me, like authenticity in me.
No, no. It's what is. It's the reality of what is. But I can't sign a guarantee that I am now experiencing well-being. It feels very ephemeral, very unclear.
That's why I want to refer to this. There's something in your experience: when I was responding to the previous question, you tasted something. I wanted to reflect on that so that you have a direct awareness of what you tasted, because it is important to recognize when that happens. Something was tasted, and it's not in me. In a sense, it's not coming from me. You're tasting it in you.
Absolutely. But I never know. Am I tasting it? I have no idea. All I can say is I felt like I was coming alive to the reality beyond all the conditioning. As you were speaking, things were slowing down enough that I could feel something beyond it. But I never know. I love your question, and I appreciate it.
You just said you could feel what is beyond. That's where you're putting into words something that is exactly what I'm referring to. I think it's really important for you to see this. It's great that you're sharing how something happened for you. But I want to hone into the subtlety of what happened. You tasted something that is what's present. That's why it excites you. There's something that comes alive for you, which is what creates this big impulse to speak. It's right here, and it's in you. It is you, right now.
The reluctance to acknowledge
What it brings up is this: I thought, "Okay, I said what I had to say, I'll say thank you and goodbye." But when you kept pursuing it, I saw my reluctance to say that I'm experiencing that, because it's scary to acknowledge. I think that's what you were trying to help me get beyond.
That's exactly where I'm going.
It's very scary, for whatever reason.
It is. It's exactly what I'm talking about. Sometimes the foremost thing is fear. Sometimes it's pain. Sometimes it's the fear of well-being, the fear of love, the fear of the love that you are. And it's right here.
All this stuff looks like it takes up so much space, but the reality is the layer is this thin.
It's such a thin veil. What you are tasting is real.
The push and pull
I just had an image of the fear. What's there to be afraid of? It's the greatest thing. But when I identify as this little me, this little me is a bit intimidated. "What's going to happen to me?" You're toast, honey. I can see it coming. I can see the push-pull.
It's both. There's nothing to be afraid of, because it's the end of us. And we should be terrified.
It's very reasonable to be this terrified.
It's very appropriate.
It's all so funny.
Yeah.