The Need to Know
La necesidad de saber
A student reflects on an unusually calm meditation, noticing how the habitual impulse to "know" and evaluate experience operates as a subtle, chronic pattern that trips her up.
The Need to Know
A student reflects on an unusually calm meditation, noticing how the habitual impulse to "know" and evaluate experience operates as a subtle, chronic pattern that trips her up.
It really felt like you put me under a spell. I think I followed this meditation more than any other. I noticed the mind saying, "Are you getting anywhere? Are you getting it? Is this good? Is it bad?" And I could just see it. Then the mind would say, "Well, it should stop," and I'd think, "No, no, just let it be." It was like a whole film, and it wasn't that exciting. It didn't draw me in dramatically. It was just, "Oh, okay," and then hearing the birds, and then the thoughts again. But it was so sustained. It was really very calm. That was unusual for me, not getting into the story of the experience.
I want to bring up a word that I find extremely resonant. It becomes the word of the week for me sometimes. The word that came up, which has come up before, is "knowing." That knowing muscle is so chronic and so subtle that it's very helpful to be reminded of it: the supposed knowing. Nothing exciting happened, which was in a way wonderful.
That's great feedback. I'm glad that kind of meditation landed for you.
The subtle grip of "knowing"
"Knowing." I suppose you're referring to the knowing of the mind. That's very difficult to see clearly.
Yes, the need to know. It's this underlying thing that accompanies my experiences. The more I'm on this path, the more I notice how big a role it plays and how much it actually trips me up. The need to be the one that knows.
Yes.
There's something very refreshing about seeing it. And sometimes I notice it operating because I find myself not wanting to share, not wanting anyone to tell me anything, because I already "know." I see that too. It's this trickster that's having a good time at my expense.
Yes, exactly. Thanks for sharing. It's lovely.