Watering the Tree
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A student reflects on the impulse to get rid of the sense of self, and the teacher reframes this as a form of spiritual bypass, recommending instead that one fully embrace life and let the self mature naturally.
Watering the Tree
A student reflects on the impulse to get rid of the sense of self, and the teacher reframes this as a form of spiritual bypass, recommending instead that one fully embrace life and let the self mature naturally.
I want to reflect back what I'm getting from this. I feel like I've been trying to almost get rid of what you might call a sense of self.
Good luck with that. It might be a better option to actually embrace that self, to realize whether there is any substance to it. Trying to get rid of something that doesn't exist is a very effective way to keep choosing illusion. It actually undermines the natural process of what that sense of self is there for. If you develop it instead, it will serve its function.
The tree that bears no fruit
Otherwise, you're almost saying: the purpose of the tree is to grow large and big, give fruit, and then die, so let's just not water it. Then it dies, but it bears no fruit, and all the while the tree is struggling against its own natural process.
I see. That's very helpful.
It's a very common form of bypass for people who are struggling with embracing their humanity, the challenges of being human, and the responsibilities of being human. It seems like an easy way out, and it's tempting. But it's not about ending or stopping that sense of self. It's about seeing its true nature, and you can get to that by developing it.
I understand that almost metaphorically as pulling the thread and watching it unravel naturally, if that makes sense.
Pulling the thread in the sense of following it, rather than going against it. Your ambition and energy have to do with creativity in this world, in this life. If you're putting that energy toward eliminating this sense of self, it's like riding a bicycle while jamming sticks into the wheel. You're negating the game you came here to play.
Realization through embrace, not elimination
And it's completely irrelevant, because you can fully embrace life and this sense of self while having the complete realization of its emptiness at the same time. In fact, I suspect that is a much more direct path.
I'm getting a sense of that too.
I recommend placing your ambition in discovering your true desires and living them out as fully as possible. Then, in a sense, that sense of self will mature to a point where you can see through it. If not, you're going to be creating an inner conflict.
How do you know your true desires?
What you're afraid of. Obviously with discernment: if you're afraid to step in front of a bus, that's not a true desire. But it's the kind of thing where you think, "I would really love to do this," some project, perhaps something small, but there's a sense of fear and insecurity around it. It could be a creative thing like writing or music, or it could be becoming a parent.
The danger of not knowing what you want
That's where we can really fool ourselves, in not being aware of what we truly want, because that unawareness serves to undermine the natural process of this sense of self evolving and falling away.
There is a line I read when I was very young, and it was a fortunate thing to encounter: "The ego drops once it has reached its full development." I would phrase it a little differently today, but that really helped me. It might seem silly, as though it implies some huge process and that you're going to get somewhere in time. But to me, the wisdom in it is this: trying to undermine the process of self-identity extends and makes the whole journey longer and more difficult than simply embracing it fully.
Thank you. It's been incredibly helpful.
My pleasure.