Love, Illusion, and the Freedom to Choose
Amor, ilusión y la libertad de elegir
A student shares how awakening disrupted long-standing relationships, leading to a broader exploration of why illusion and suffering are integral to the deepening of love.
Love, Illusion, and the Freedom to Choose
A student shares how awakening disrupted long-standing relationships, leading to a broader exploration of why illusion and suffering are integral to the deepening of love.
Ultimately, what the fear is of is illusory, right?
Yes. The problem is that it will feel real until it's seen through. I think there are very few exceptions of someone who has gone through this process and did not feel like they were either dying or going crazy. For some people it's very brief and very intense; for others, it's long and drawn out. But there are also always many joys and benefits along the way.
I just want to share something. There was a period of a few years where old relationships, people I had known for decades, suddenly became tumultuous. Things that had been okay before I started to wake up more became unbearable, because I felt I wasn't being true to myself. Over the years I had grown so used to the dysfunctional side of these relationships that I didn't have the tools to make things right or to behave more appropriately. I really rocked the boat, and I thought, "Oh my God, I'm regressing." But when I looked more deeply, I realized I simply didn't have the tools yet. It was good that I was being truer to myself. There was this gap period where I felt like saying, "Excuse me, I'm out of order now. I'll talk to you in a few years." That's what it felt like. I feel much more stable now, but that also happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is it could be all of the above. I just can't know what's going to happen. Now I feel the relationships are truer, and I've had to clean up some things. I just wanted to share that this is another aspect of what I didn't expect. I thought I'd see this upward trend, and instead it went in all directions. That scared me.
I'm just hearing you and feeling you.
At this point it's a report. This is what happened.
The conversation itself as activation
When we connect to these experiences, we are also bringing in a part of our reality that is happening now. We are speaking about difficult things, about fear, and it's naturally going to activate that in this moment. The one thing to notice is how this conversation might be activating a restlessness.
Love in pure wakefulness
Why wouldn't there be love in pure wakefulness? If everything is water, is there wetness?
I think it's the experience of love that would be helpful for me. In other words, it's all love, but as a human being, it's hard to experience it if there's no movement. Maybe it's just semantics.
We could talk about different kinds of love and what love is, and we can never define it. Any definition of love will not be love. But in relation to the experience of it: I really see how, without the movement of illusion and waking up, the love that would exist in pure wakefulness alone would be a lesser love. I'll say it that way.
Being human teaches God how to love
Love can be an action. In a sense, you can see that being human teaches God how to love. This is very explicit in Christianity, where God had to become human to know what it was to be human. In that journey of becoming illusion, God could discover something new. But the sense of victimhood was an important part of the process, to feel completely at a loss. That's what Jesus expresses on the cross: "My Father, why have you forsaken me?"
The word that comes up for me when I hear that is "freedom." That's our nature. That is what we are. If we can choose the illusion or reality, that's it. That's the ultimate freedom, I should think.
Illusion as a choice
Illusion and limitation are a choice, and so is freedom. I learned those words from a teacher, and then I experienced it directly. It's very accurate, very precise. The part of us that doesn't want to let go, the part that is attached to the struggle and the suffering, is the part that is still choosing that. And there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, all I see is the beauty of it.
So you're honoring your freedom in a way.
Yes. It seems like a first step simply to realize that you are choosing it. Otherwise you are trying to get rid of a suffering that you think is imposed on you, something you think is happening to you.