The Construct That Feels Like "I"
El constructo que se siente como "yo"
A reflection on how the sense of self arises as a mental construct that feels utterly real, and how seeing through it does not mean it disappears but rather ceases to be mistaken for what we truly are.
The Construct That Feels Like "I"
A reflection on how the sense of self arises as a mental construct that feels utterly real, and how seeing through it does not mean it disappears but rather ceases to be mistaken for what we truly are.
When the question is raised, "Is the idea of you illusory?" I would say yes. But it is important to say a bit more, because what is illusory needs to be understood carefully. By "real," I am referring to what I actually am. So the question becomes: Who am I? What am I?
When the answer can only come through thought
If I ask that question and the answer comes as something I can only know through thought, then that answer is illusory. Normally, what happens in response to the question "What am I?" or "Who am I?" is that a mental construct appears, and it feels real. It doesn't feel like a mental construct. It is not experienced as a mental construct. It is experienced as: "I am this. This is what I am." And that is what is often described as illusion, because what we are is not that.
The construct has a function
This does not mean that the construct, that imagination, that narrative or story, simply disappears. It has a function. What happens is that it is no longer experienced as "I." The story remains, but the identification with it falls away.
Friction between desire and conditioning
That is one aspect. Another is that there can be a desire to live something, a certain life or expression one wants to embody. But there are stories, beliefs, and conditionings that create friction. And so one is not able to live life as one wishes. The desire is present, but something keeps getting in the way.