The Illusion of the One Who Resists
La ilusión del que resiste
A question about the nature of resistance and whether the one who resists is itself an illusion, exploring how acceptance practice and the direct seeing of what is not real are two angles on the same realization.
The Illusion of the One Who Resists
A question about the nature of resistance and whether the one who resists is itself an illusion, exploring how acceptance practice and the direct seeing of what is not real are two angles on the same realization.
Last time we spoke, you talked about resistance and resisting an experience, being able to feel that. Then you said something about how that which resists is an illusion as well. I was curious about that.
I can definitely talk about that. It was one of the most surprising things for me to see or realize.
I had been in this search since I was a teenager, and unofficially from much younger as well. I just didn't narrow it down to a spiritual search until I was a teenager and met my teacher. I had always heard about resistance. I had always heard about the practices of accepting and not resisting. And it's a very valid practice. So in a sense it could seem like a paradox: on one hand there's the pointer of "don't resist," and on the other hand there's the pointer of "look at what is resisting" and see that it isn't real. There's the apparent work on our person, our psychology, our experience with feelings, with the reality of this moment itself. Something seems like it can practice this accepting.
But there's another aspect, which was one of the biggest shocks for me: to see that all of that, including that which seemed to resist, is actually not there.
Clarity and confusion in pointing
I want to be careful not to obfuscate this too much. Sometimes it's actually good to leave things a little confusing, because otherwise it becomes too much of a mental map, a mental understanding. It's good to walk the line: clarify a bit, but leave it slightly open, because there's so much room for misinterpretation. It's impossible to talk about this directly, and anything said about it is going to be inaccurate. It's easier to talk about the process of accepting and working on non-resistance. But when we start to talk about the fact that that which resists isn't real, it's impossible to imagine.
The Santa Claus metaphor
One way you can contemplate this is through a metaphor. Those of us who were raised with the notion of the tooth fairy or Santa Claus might remember the reality where that was a real thing. There was an actual being that was the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. Then there was the moment, or the process, of learning that it is a story. Fully a story. In that sense, that which resists is not real.
But there is still a problem, because the belief in it, the belief in that entity, creates problems. It's still not real, but it creates problems. If I were only to say "it's not real" over and over, it would become an inner battle, an inner negating of your own self. You wouldn't even know exactly what I'm pointing to. It's so subtle, so deep, so core that you can't identify it and say, "That's not real." You'd probably identify something else and say that's not real, and that's not what I'm talking about.
With Santa Claus, it's easier to know what is not real. But we're dealing with something that is a profoundly deep identification. It's hard to point to it directly and say, "That's not real." It's not real in a very specific way. We can get into all the ins and outs of what is real and what is not real, what is illusion, and it actually matters, because confusion in the language and misinterpretation make things worse.
Acceptance as a progressive path
The practice of accepting is a progressive way to get you closer, to develop more intimacy with that which apparently resists. The closer you are to it, the more you can see what it really is and what it is not. In a sense, these are two approaches to the same thing, two angles.
But it's a very shocking thing to realize: that really is not there. It's just not there. And that's the ultimate realization at this level, because you can't go back to believing in Santa Claus once you know it's a story. It's not something you can convince yourself of. There would have to be a very high level of delusion for you to see that it's not real and then believe in it again.
The impossibility of resisting what is already here
One way I point to this is that there's no resistance possible. The best way to point to it is this: you're hearing the sound of my voice, and you're looking at a screen. That experience, as it's happening, the real, direct, raw experience of the sound and the sight, try to not experience it while you're experiencing it. What do you need to do to resist the sound you're experiencing right now? What do you need to do to resist the sight you're experiencing right now in order to not experience it? How much energy does it take? How much delusion, in the sense of believing something that's not real?
That's the degree of what I'm talking about. That which resisted is just a belief, the belief that "I can resist," and it's a false belief. It's as false as the idea that you can stop hearing the sound you're hearing right now. That's still a bit of a metaphor, because you could always say, "Well, I can cover my ears and scream." There's always that way to try to deny the metaphor.
The "I" that resists is also a concept
When we believe there is something I can do, it's not just the "I can do something" that's in question. That "I" we're referring to is also a concept. It's also a deep imagination. It doesn't mean there isn't something there. It's just not what I am conceptualizing it as, imagining it as.
The snake and the rope
Ramana Maharshi used a very Indian metaphor: the snake on the trail. You're walking on a trail, you see a snake, you get scared, you jump, you have a visceral reaction. You come closer, you look more carefully, and you realize it's not a snake. First there is that recognition: what I thought was real is not what I thought. An interpretation was incorrect.
Then there is a process of confusion, of not knowing. You have to look even closer to see what it really is. In the metaphor, it turns out to be a rope, or a stick, but first comes the seeing that you were wrong. Then, through a period of confusion, you can have a second realization of what the true nature of that thing really is.
And then the metaphor breaks down. In the metaphor of the rope, you see the snake, then you see it's a rope. It's a thing; it's just a different thing. But what we're talking about here, the realization is that it's not a thing. We cannot conceptualize a non-thing. That's where the mind is transcended, because only the mind can conceptualize things.
The process of resisting arises from believing in something that we are not. We believe that we are something we're not. We're believing in an interpretation, and that which we interpret ourselves to be can resist, but only in our imagination. The process is to undo that resistance. Ultimately, you will realize that what you believed could resist is not there, and no resisting is possible. At first that is very troubling, but it's also liberating.
Resistance requires the illusion of separation
So is it that the concept of resistance requires there to be two things, like "me" and a hostile thing, whether it's a person or something else? The misinterpretation is that there are two things in opposition to each other. The concept of resistance relies on there being a separation.
Yes, a separation that makes something into two. Imagine you have two boxes of beads, red and blue. You look at the blue box, grab a blue bead, and say, "I don't want it. I don't want the blue bead." You grab another one: "I don't want it." And another.
That's resistance. Something is happening, and then there is this experience, almost like a choice: "No. Not this." As if you could say no to what is already happening.
That's why I used the example of saying no to the sound of my voice. I'm talking, and you can't cover your ears. Try to say no to it. Decide with all of your energy to deny the experience. That's going to drive you mad. How much energy is it going to take?
This is how we live with everything we're experiencing. There's a "no," sometimes subtle and sometimes not, to something that's already happening. It's not going to happen; it's already happening. It's present in your awareness. And we believe that by saying no, we can change that. You grab the blue bead, look at it: "I don't want it. It's not what I wanted. I wanted red." You grab another blue one: "I don't want it."
We are creating what we resist
That metaphor is also pointing to something even more difficult to talk about, which has to do with the fact that we're actually creating the experience we're having and then saying no to it. We're creating the hypnosis, the illusion, that we can simultaneously create the experience and struggle with it, create suffering and think we don't want to create suffering, that it's happening to us without our control. We're doing all of it.
The "we" I'm referring to is not the "we" you might think of as yourself. That "I" I'm referring to is the same "I" that you refer to as "I." There is not your "I" and my "I." But take this just as words, because it's very hard to describe. The important part right now is the experience of resistance and its nature.
I'm sure some of you experience some humor in this. It resonates with something in yourself: this notion that I'm experiencing something, and what is actually happening right now, I'm saying no to, as if there is any possibility of denying it, or of changing what is happening right now. Even if you kick a table and hurt your toe, what happens then? There used to be a lot of cursing for me, and even hours later: "If only I had not done that." So much frustration, so much anger at yourself.