The Paradox of the Choice Itself
La Paradoja de la Elección en Sí Misma
A student asks how to interpret a spiritual resonance felt with someone outside a committed relationship, and whether it signals a true connection or an avoidance of deeper fears.
The Paradox of the Choice Itself
A student asks how to interpret a spiritual resonance felt with someone outside a committed relationship, and whether it signals a true connection or an avoidance of deeper fears.
I'm afraid of missing out, so that's a fear. This spiritual resonance that I feel: is that something I'm going to lose if I commit to partner number one? How should I interpret that spiritual resonance?
My sense is that what was just brought up is the core of the issue. But in order to address it, a lot needs to be unpacked. More time needs to be spent, and you need to clarify what I was pointing out first, so that you can then approach this question: the fear of missing out, the feeling of "I have something good here, and I have something good there."
The resonance as possible avoidance
It is very likely that you are opening up a spiritual resonance outside of the relationship precisely because that feels safe, because you are afraid to commit. I don't want to dive into that prematurely, because it is also possible that there is a true resonance with this other person and that they are the better match. But it is equally likely that this is an avoidance mechanism from your current relationship.
I'm fully aware of both possibilities.
And so I cannot read into you and tell you which one it is. To do so would be completely robbing you of your responsibility, and it would be a betrayal of everything I would want to teach. That is your call.
Gaining clarity through support
We can work through the issue for you to gain clarity. Hopefully I can support and assist in that process, so that you can then make a choice. And not just me: a therapist, others around you. But ultimately, it is a matter for you to gain the clarity and the integrity, the courage to see more deeply what your real fears are, what your real pains are, what is truly motivating all of this.
Sitting with the paradox
In a sense, this is one of those great enigmas of life, as my teacher used to say: you are stuck in a really clear paradox of a choice, and there is no obvious indication of the right answer. That is actually one of the best places to be in order to deepen and open up, both in consciousness and in the growing-up aspect of being a man, a woman, whatever we are. It is also an opening into seeing our true nature, which is, in a sense, required for us to make deeper, more aligned choices, so that our previous conditioning, our emotional pains and fears do not automatically dictate our behavior.
So the situation and the paradox itself present an opportunity to work with fear and conditioning.
Yes. Look more closely. Be more honest. Not because you are not being honest already; it is simply that the volume can always be turned up on inner integrity, authenticity, and honesty with yourself first. What are your fears? And obviously, that translates into how you relate to others around you and what you communicate, and to whom.