The Excitement That Crashes
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A student describes a suspicious sense of excitement about their practice, wondering whether the highs they feel are a setup for inevitable lows.
The Excitement That Crashes
A student describes a suspicious sense of excitement about their practice, wondering whether the highs they feel are a setup for inevitable lows.
I have this sense of being suspicious of where I'm at, because it feels so good. There's this excitement, but it feels slightly obsessive. Just super excited, like I'm going to find something out. And I wonder if I'm doing this thing where, for example, I was realizing I was so in love with Puerto Rico, and then the littlest thing happens and the whole illusion just collapses. I don't know. Do you get what I'm saying? What do you think?
My sense is that a few things are going on. You are very close to something real, but it is still being projected or assumed to be in experience. It is still located somewhere, still being worked on.
The real, but misplaced
It is in experience, in a way, but it is not only in the world. It is also there when things in the world aren't going well. So I think there is a real excitement for something genuine that you're touching, but there is still a sense that it is an experience within experience, a place to arrive at. Because of that, you're likely going to have these ups and downs.
Yeah, a sense of crash.
Exactly. Highs and lows, crashes. But that is actually a very appropriate path, in the sense that the crashes start to become less severe. Less highs, less lows. Until the thing, which is not a thing (this present moment, or reality, which is not even a moment) starts to become more and more clear and transparent. It is no longer going to seem like an experience, a portal, a base.
Or like solving something. That's the most exciting thing right now.
Like the detective who is going to find it, going to figure it out.
It's a little more subtle than that, but yes.