When the Unraveling Accelerates
Cuando el desmoronamiento se acelera
A student describes an overwhelming process of energetic opening and asks for guidance on navigating daily life when everything feels like it is coming apart.
When the Unraveling Accelerates
A student describes an overwhelming process of energetic opening and asks for guidance on navigating daily life when everything feels like it is coming apart.
In my everyday life, I'm going through an extreme process. Every day it multiplies in its acceleration: the deprogramming, the releasing, the undoing of my mind and all its contractions. I can't even keep track of it anymore. Especially today, it's so extreme.
When you were giving the meditation earlier, the energy was so strong that at one point I thought I might need to turn my camera off and curl up on the floor. At another point, I thought I might have to run to the bathroom and throw up. This frequency is so far from what I'm used to, and I've always been extremely sensitive, even before my initial awakening ten years ago. I was sitting here short-circuiting, not knowing which end was up.
It was a lovely meditation, but my question is: do you just adjust to it as all this stuff keeps releasing? I don't know what to do day to day. It's so out of my control. Even sound is different now. It hurts sometimes to hear sounds: the TV, voices, people in my life, people at work. Everything is being undone. All the belief systems, all the programs, even basic things about food. Programs like "we need to eat two or three times a day" or "we need food to survive." Sustenance programs, survival programs, God programs: they're all flying out. Do you have any words of support or advice as someone who has probably gone through some of this and maybe has made it to the other side?
Thank you for being so open. There is definitely a lot here.
The tension between contraction and expansion
There is a process that, as you describe, you cannot control. The more you try to control it, the worse it can get. Referring to what came up during the meditation, it is this tension between two forces. I am being somewhat metaphorical here, so don't take it too literally, but there are two poles: one toward contraction and one toward expansion. There is a natural process that, for whatever reason, seems to have an arc in us humans, and perhaps not only in humans.
There is a valid desire in the contraction. A part of us wants to know contraction, not for the sake of being contracted. I always try to clarify: it is not masochism or a longing for suffering. Suffering is just a certain kind of side effect. But there is a certain kind of knowing or experiencing that is only possible when we are contracted. It is hard to fully appreciate that until you are free from it, because when you are in the middle of it, there is always going to be a disliking of it.
You seem to be clearly at the stage where this process starts to unravel, where the contraction can no longer self-sustain. A newborn is not contracted. There is an almost total expansion, and then the contraction process begins. It is this learning of how to create a center. Those of us who cannot do that become very dysfunctional; there are very serious psychological problems that arise from the inability to create that center. So it is a very valuable process. But at some point, enough is done. For some people, that is where they want to remain, and they find a certain level of contraction where they stay for all their lives. For others, there is an intuitive knowing that has been addressed as a remembering, because it is this remembering of how it was when we were pre-contracted. If there isn't a complete forgetting of that state, there is a calling toward it.
Resonance as a mirror
This is why anyone would be listening to this. It is this resonance of that remembering. One can resonate with the energy and one can resonate with the words. It is usually a combination. But the first thing I want to address is the energy, and that resonance.
What matters is that you look at this very clearly. When that kind of activation occurs, it is because there is a resonance that you could think of as a mirror. You are that as well. So what I am getting at more directly is: don't externalize it. Don't turn it into something that is projected exclusively toward a person or a group or a situation, because what is activating is you. Everything you are sensing energetically is a more direct tasting of yourself. When that happens, it accelerates this kind of unraveling, this expansion.
The nervous system needs time
What matters here is to notice that there are parts of us that are more dense. By that, we could refer to the body, and especially the nervous system. The nervous system takes time to change. There can be an instantaneous knowing of our nature, a recognition and stepping into it, but then the nervous system needs to change, and that takes time. This is what I think you are going through.
You mentioned food, for example. There is a refinement happening in your attention and your sensibility around what is coming into your body, what feels right, what your organism actually needs. There is an undoing of habits. I want you to literally imagine neurons having to grow, move, and change physically. The physical change is needed: to reconnect, to disconnect from here, to connect over there, to extend this way. And not just in your brain, but in your whole body. That is just the nervous system.
In a sense, it is like activating a psychedelic process without the psychedelics. It is a similar process, but more permanent and more constant. You are on a trip, but it is the real thing. It is not the simulation, which is what I consider psychedelics to be.