The Fear Beneath the Stories
El miedo debajo de las historias
A student reflects on years of not noticing a pattern of fear and avoidance, and the teacher explores inner integrity, the power of rationalization, and how teachings can sometimes reinforce the very patterns they aim to dissolve.
The Fear Beneath the Stories
A student reflects on years of not noticing a pattern of fear and avoidance, and the teacher explores inner integrity, the power of rationalization, and how teachings can sometimes reinforce the very patterns they aim to dissolve.
It's pretty humbling to realize I've been, in a sense, not noticing for years: either the fear itself, or a kind of vicious circle. Because you don't notice, you keep not doing it, and that reinforces a belief.
The force of the heart
Yes. That's why it's so important, in this meditation, to speak to the heart. What is it that we love? We might be so out of touch that we can still find something: a little bit of this here, a little bit of that there. But if you dig into it, if you connect to it, if you wake that up, it starts to become a force of nature, as opposed to the force of my own mind, my own personality.
Thanks for helping me out.
Fear of what we are
My pleasure. Ultimately, it's being afraid of what we are and what we want. We can't fully accept what we are if we can't accept what we want, and vice versa.
The tricky thing is that we can tell ourselves so many stories and believe them. "I don't want this," when I do. "I do want this," when I don't. Rationalizing is so powerful. "This is boring. I'm tired of it. I have no interest anymore." And what's actually happening is: I'm terrified. But I'm not aware of the fear.
And vice versa. "This is what I want. I'm going for it, pushing super hard." But it's just coming from denial. It's something you don't actually want. It's an egoic pursuit.
Inner integrity
I call that inner integrity: to know what is really happening. It's quite hard. What do I actually feel? What do I actually want?
I guess for a while, when I was younger, I was pretty confused. A teacher I had used to lean toward warning people not to know what they want, or not to know too fast, because people tend to fall into ideas about wanting and get themselves into a box. And maybe that put me at one extreme, where it felt like it was impossible to really know. Most people want many things.
When teachings become avoidance
I understand. I would just say: celebrate. All teachings and words are problematic, because one person might need to go left while the other person might need to go right, in the same place. If a teaching is telling one person to go right, the next person can hear it and it becomes a perfect avoidance mechanism. That's why teachings are constantly contradicting themselves.
Yeah. I think it was mostly applied to young people coming out of high school who were supposed to know what they were going to do for the rest of their lives. That kind of thinking.
You're very welcome.