The Physical Side of Awakening
El Lado Físico del Despertar
A student notices the teacher experiencing something intense during a period of silence and asks about it, leading to a discussion of the physical dimensions of meditative energy, nervous system adaptation, and the importance of practice.
The Physical Side of Awakening
A student notices the teacher experiencing something intense during a period of silence and asks about it, leading to a discussion of the physical dimensions of meditative energy, nervous system adaptation, and the importance of practice.
During the silence, I was watching you a little bit, and I'm curious what your experience was. There seemed to be some intensity, or maybe I just had a weird connection. I'm curious about that today.
Whenever I stay quiet and don't move much, there's an energy surge. It's always been there, in a sense, since I was quite young. But it's more subtle now, and it doesn't have the kind of challenge it used to.
It was going through my head that if I were feeling what you were feeling, I might be freaking out. But I could tell you were just sitting with the intensity.
I used to freak out. It sent me to the hospital a few times. They didn't find anything, but it was causing a lot of physical pain. I occasionally still get similar symptoms, but at maybe one one-thousandth of the intensity. It could still happen that there's a cramp in some muscle, a kind of micro-cramp, but it's basically muscular and nervous system friction.
The hospital story
About fifteen years ago, there was a big surge of that throughout my whole body. I went to the hospital and they couldn't find anything. I was desperate, screaming at them, "Do something! Help me!" They basically kicked me out. I didn't realize why until I told the story to a friend, and she immediately understood: they couldn't find anything wrong, and I was desperate and begging for relief, so they thought I was trying to get drugs.
I've had something like that too. I thought mine was alcohol-related, but I'm starting to think it was something similar, maybe on a smaller scale.
Very possible. It also might be why there's a resonance between us.
When I saw you feeling that, it revved up for me a little bit. I was up last night with chest pain again. I'm trying to fill in what might be happening, because I don't know.
Trust the physical process
At this level, I would say: just believe me, it is a physical process as well. Usually I would say, don't take my words for it, find out for yourself. In this case, just trust from experience that it is a physical process, and we need to accommodate that. That's why it's important to have a practice.
One of my teachers, whom I asked this very question many years ago, "Is it a physical process as well?" He said, "Absolutely." He was a medical doctor who had a very powerful awakening. I think he was still working in the emergency room when it happened. He explained that it's as if you plug the nervous system into a much higher voltage than it's used to. For many people, this happens in a very subtle, slow way, and because it's slow and subtle, you don't even notice it.
That maybe explains the anxiety I've had for so long, just repressing some kind of surge without understanding it.
I think that's how it is for all of us. The thing is, it's very mysterious for the body-mind, how it evolved and how it happens. Part of it is simply mysterious and very hard to know or control. Another aspect is that there is practice, and there are forms of practice that have been evolving for thousands of years. Some are better, some are worse, some are more appropriate for one person and not for another.
The role of practice
For those who struggle with the more physical aspect of it, it's important to have a practice. This is more commonly known today as active meditation. But even a sitting practice of noting and vipassana prepares the body-mind to allow a different kind of connectivity in the nervous system. This is becoming more and more researched. They're putting people through fMRIs and seeing actual changes in the way the brain functions.
With sensation practice, breathing, and vipassana, you start to realize how much mapping you've been doing with your body. Everything becomes more expansive, and that seems like it could help with a stronger current of energy.
Yes. It's literally a very parallel process. As a metaphor, you could think of working out. It's a different kind of working out, but it functions the same way. That's one aspect of a meditation practice.
Self-inquiry as the deeper dimension
The other aspect is self-inquiry. One dimension of practice is creating a certain understanding of how the mind works, creating a distance or separation from identification, to a level where you're simply observing mind. That's going to create a kind of movement and grounding in the body. This is why attention on the breath is such a common practice. This is what yoga originally is: working with the body to prepare it to allow a different kind of energy to move. And it's always body-mind. It always requires the mind and the brain to shift.
Then there is a deeper self-inquiry, which includes all forms of questioning that address the sense of self: what I am, the sense of self, the belief about what self is.
I've been obsessed with your question about what we have to gain from feeling like we're a person. I don't think I've made much headway, but I know there's something there, and I'm drawn to it.
Contemplation, not obsession
If you're obsessing over it, it's probably hitting something. But I would say, try to relate to it not through obsession. For that, you need to sit, be quiet, and contemplate. Contemplation as a practice, as opposed to thinking or obsessing.
Right. An active meditation. Thank you.
My pleasure.