When Flow Becomes a Prison
Cuando el Fluir se Convierte en una Prisión
A student describes a new sense of flow in daily life but notices oscillation between that openness and fear that it will end, along with worry about external results. The teacher points toward a deeper understanding of flow that includes everything, even its own apparent absence.
When Flow Becomes a Prison
A student describes a new sense of flow in daily life but notices oscillation between that openness and fear that it will end, along with worry about external results. The teacher points toward a deeper understanding of flow that includes everything, even its own apparent absence.
I feel there's been a real change in my life. I'm much more in flow, and it has a lot to do with being more in tune, moment to moment, with what I want. But at the same time, there's this sense of: when is it going to end? When am I going to go back to not being in flow? There's a kind of disbelief.
On the other hand, I seem to oscillate. There's been a lot of change in how I act and what I do most days, more energy. But then I fall into worrying about results. I'm doing all these different things and I don't see external results. So it's like believing again that the big deal is something in the future, not the actual flow itself, independent of whether there is ever any result. When I'm in that flow, I don't really need external results because the satisfaction is already there. But then this oscillation happens, this fear comes in.
The preconceived notion of flow
I think the key is the preconceived notion of what flow is. You're worried about the fear of going back into the previous state of not flowing, compared to the flowing you know now. But what if that is also flow? Going back.
You can't go back, but I'm describing your worry. Your fear is that it's going to go away, that this state of flow is going to end. "When is it going to end?" you said.
So first, there's a lack of trust, which is fine, because the lack of trust can also be part of the flow. The ending of this experience of flow can be part of the flow. There's a preconceived notion of what flow is.
A deeper way of flowing
Or you could also think of it this way: there is a deeper way of flowing that you can discover, where whatever is happening is part of the flow. And I mean very emphatically: whatever is happening. One hundred percent of what can happen is part of the flow, including the flow you're experiencing stopping, things not working out in whatever way they can not work out. If that is also flow, then the question becomes: from what depth, from what deeper place, can you relate to that so that it is also flow?
That's what I'm pointing to. You're relating to flow from a level of depth where there is still a structured notion of what flow is. What you've discovered is great. I'm just pointing to something deeper. You've discovered something very valuable, but you can still make that into a prison, into something to identify with.
This too shall pass
Everything that is temporary or based on experience will end. The state of flow that feels how it feels right now will end. This too shall pass. And so the worry you have is actually appropriate.
What I'm pointing to is that the way through isn't a kind of resignation. The way through is a deeper recognition where you can't not be in flow, no matter what happens. Because flow is happening, always.