Where Am I
Dónde Estoy
A gentle exploration of where the sense of "I" actually lives in your direct experience of body, sensation, and knowing.
Where Am I
Beginning the inquiry
What matters here is that which is the experience of I.
You can call this an inquiry.
An inquiry is a curiosity, a childlike wonder.
What is the nature of this?
From there comes the question: who am I?
The question isn't what matters.
What matters is this childlike curiosity,
wanting to know the nature of this,
and specifically this which we know as I.
Subject.
Experience of subject.
We begin with the assumption, or clarification, that we don't know the true nature of this.
There's more to be known, more to be seen than what it seems.
What is known is a misunderstanding.
Something appears to be I, witness, which is not.
Some questions that could be helpful in directing the curiosity:
Who am I?
Where am I?
What am I?
When am I?
The I misunderstanding
We can play with these, and start with: where am I?
The I misunderstanding comes from naming, calling, appropriating part of our experience.
We call it I.
And the rest we call not I.
We call it other.
Sensation we call I.
Sounds we call other, unless it's our voice.
Sensation at the boundary
If we focus on sensation,
we can bring our attention to our feet
and recognize there is a sense of that as I, me, mine.
My feet are on the floor.
We're also sensing that which could be labeled floor,
could be known as not I.
The sensation of the foot on the floor, or the back, or the seat on the chair or couch.
Look for that boundary.
There's a sensation.
Part of it is called me, mine.
The rest is floor or couch, chair.
It wanted to be very simple, very immediate, automatic.
Notice. Really look at that sensation.
Sensation is one sensation.
It's one, probably fuzzy, blurry, undefined.
And one in the sense that there isn't sensation for that which is mine and for that which is not.
There is just sensation.
We don't really feel the floor or the couch.
We just feel sensation, skin, flesh.
Simply recognize and question: where am I?
Contemplate.
Even the knowing of that sensation:
am I the sensation, or the knowing?
Scanning the body
This way you can scan all of your experience of body.
Just move around everything you know as body:
arms, legs, face, neck, head,
all known through sensation.
Where am I? What am I?
Am I in the sensation in the foot?
Am I the body?
Am I more the knowing of sensation, the knowing of body?
Turning the curiosity inward
Turning that curiosity inwards.
When I say inwards, what does that elicit?
Is there a direction?
What is outwards?
Is outwards towards sounds and sight?
Is inwards towards the body, the chest, the head?
What is that?
Why is sensation of feet closer, mine,
and sounds not me?
Where is that line where part of experience is I and part is not?
As you open curiosity,
wait for a knowing.
A simple knowing of what is true and real.
Trusting the knowing
Trust what is true and real to you.
Trust that this exploration, this curiosity has value.
It's not mere philosophy.
It's not pointless.
Trust that the knowing can come before you recognize it.
A fleeting intuition,
a sense of true or real,
loving or peaceful.
A rush of excitement, or subtle fear:
all of these are signs of getting close.
Relaxing.
Keeping the inquiry alive
Keep this curiosity alive during your days, playfully.
Let the curiosity be genuine, innocent, childlike.
Who am I?
Where am I?
What am I?
When am I?
Keep it alive.
Come up with your own questions.
Any answer that you can name is not it; that is a thought.
It's what knows thoughts,
what knows sounds, sensation, perception.
It is nowhere and everywhere.
Nothing and everything.
It's not the body.
It's not in the body.
It's not the mind.