The Addictive Cycle of Contraction and Release
El ciclo adictivo de contracción y liberación
A student describes the difficulty of practicing when feeling nothing or uncomfortable, leading to an exploration of seeking energy, resistance, and the recognition that what we are is already at peace.
The Addictive Cycle of Contraction and Release
A student describes the difficulty of practicing when feeling nothing or uncomfortable, leading to an exploration of seeking energy, resistance, and the recognition that what we are is already at peace.
There is an attachment to that movement of release, contraction, release, contraction, because in that cycle there remains something that can persist through the contraction and the release. There is that which we can identify with.
So there's still a subtly addictive process: glimpsing, releasing, expanding, contracting, glimpsing, releasing, expanding, contracting. There is still a sense of something that expands and contracts. It's a thing, and that's "me."
It's more difficult when I'm feeling nothing, or when I'm feeling uncomfortable, to do what you're suggesting.
Just include the discomfort, or include the feeling of nothing. Include it as part of what is happening now. Don't get focused on it. It's part of sensation, perception, thought.
The pull of seeking energy
What you just said connects to something I've been thinking about. You were talking about something like seeking energy, and it made me think about this pull: almost not wanting to find it, something not yet arrived, a sense of "just come over here, we need to go there." This pulling quality.
Very much. And to that I say: that's why in the meditation I suggested it's a rich journey, and maybe we want to go slowly. There is no rush. There is nowhere to get to. The journey is the goal and the goal is the journey.
But the seeking energy is also a good thing to spot, I think.
The only thing we can really talk about is if something isn't how you want it to be. And so there is something that can be done. But even if we're on this journeyless journey and we notice, "Yes, there's seeking, and there is resistance," sometimes that goes and it's great, and sometimes it comes back. And I realize, "Part of me is choosing that." I'm consciously aware of it, consciously choosing it. There's something there that is a savoring of the process, of the moment. And it's completely valid. It's divine creation.
No rush, no destination
I sometimes reminisce on how this was for me, and I also see: there were a lot of years and a lot of work. A teacher and friend of mine, when a big shift happened for me more recently, said something like, "This was your destiny, and you were running as hard as you could from it." And it really rang true. I was mostly just trying to avoid this as much as I could. And it feels like that was true, and it was, in a sense, a deep choice. It was conscious but also unconscious. And yet, would I do it differently? No. I would go back and live it all exactly as it was: slowly and progressively, then suddenly, and all of it. Take as many lives as you want on this journey.
It feels like this is reflected in actual life as well. The things going on outwardly carry that same resistance. So life is showing me this other resistance, and I'm seeing both of those things very obviously and uncomfortably at the same time.
What we are is already at peace. And not knowing that is also part of the fun. It's a different fun than knowing it, but it's also fun.
Francis Lucille says: just stop. Basically, it's up to you. It's your choice. If you have a problem with it, stop it. I think it really just helps bring up a sense of, "Well, I'm actually choosing this."
Yes, all of that. It feels like all of that is there: the knowing it and the choosing it. But it's good.
It's flavorful.
Absorbing what others express
What was said earlier about feeling envy is true for me as well. But I was also thinking about how I can find it quite difficult to articulate what I want to say. So I'm really glad that people here say things that are true for me too. Everything is being absorbed, and I'm grateful for all of it.
It's really beautiful. Envy is a powerful spice, making up some interesting cocktails and dishes.