A student describes the pull of mental reactivity after a stimulating event, and the teacher explores how the compulsive cycle of creating and solving problems sustains the illusion of a separate self.
A student describes the pull of mental reactivity after a stimulating event, and the teacher explores how the compulsive cycle of creating and solving problems sustains the illusion of a separate self.
What I want to say about this, because it's what I was noticing today, is that being drawn in isn't the problem. The problem is if I think it's happening to me, or that it means something particular. There's always a possibility to see the drawing-in as simply what's happening.
This is especially relevant for me today. I was feeling very meditative, able to come back again and again, and over the last few days the coming back has been feeling more natural. It hasn't been a deliberate thought of "I need to come back." It was just: oh, coming back, coming back.
And then today, after the presidential debate, it was racy, racy, racy. Watch this, watch that, what do I think, what's going to happen. But it's the same thing. It doesn't matter. It's still just: oh, this is what's happening, just another thing happening. And I can see more easily the pull to make it into something. It's addictive. There's this voice that says, "But this is something. Everything's special. Okay, maybe not everything, but this is really special." And it's just the same. So what you were saying really reinforced the sense that nothing has to change. It's just the watching, the noticing.
At some point there's a natural process where it kind of flips, and it's no longer "I'm experiencing this," but just noticing that there is an experiencing. And there's no effort in that. I don't know if that makes sense. I still feel the raciness, that's for sure. But that's what happens. There is raciness.
You're seeing the meta-structure. What you call the addiction, which I've often called that too, is, I think, the root of all addiction. It's this sense that something is missing, and I know what it is. It becomes a conviction. The conditioning is this figuring out, this knowing what the problem is. And prior to all of that, there is the belief that there is a problem, that something is missing.
There is an experience of something missing. But it's actually the other way around: something has been added that creates a problem.
The structure of compulsive seeking
When you see that structure ("something is missing, I know what it is, it's up to me to figure it out"), you see how it creates a constant movement. Moving out of that, you could have more clarity around what to actually bring your attention to, and it's no longer the projection of problems. The projection of problems into me, into my body, into my experience, into my relationships, into my government, into the world.
Once we can rest without that projection, something opens. One way to notice how compelling it is: you can't sit for five minutes without being active. There's just no way to pause it. Depending on where we are in this work, if we've done a lot of meditation, we might be able to have that experience. But it's often extremely compelling, extremely addictive. Even in meditation practice, there's this activity of "something I need to do in the practice, something I need to crack or solve or glimpse in order to get somewhere." It gets transferred into the practice: creating a problem and resolving the problem, now through meditation. We can't just be for five minutes without activating this projecting of a problem and then the "I" that is active, fixing it.
It is the constant recreating of "me," the one who is doing it, has to do it, shouldn't do it, whatever.
Yes. And one way to work on that is through the self-inquiry that addresses the reality or nature of the "I." But you could also address the activity of it, which is this problem-creating, problem-solving cycle. There's this sense that it's up to me, it's in my hands. But if you watch, you'll notice it just jumps around like crazy. There's always a problem somewhere. It's going to be in the body, in my personality, in myself, in the world, in relationships, in work. It's going to be something. You can't take a five-minute break from it.
And it's so unconscious.
The belief underneath
It's actually very conscious. It's the most conscious thing. But the structure is unconscious. The actual root of the problem, that is what's unconscious. I wouldn't even say it's truly unconscious. There is simply a belief that gets the whole thing going, and that belief hasn't been questioned.
When I look at it, it looks like reality. That's what I'm saying. And then, all of a sudden, boom, I see it. And I think, "How did I not know?" And then before I know it, I'm back into it. I was so looking forward to this meeting because I wanted a break from this hamster wheel. I thought it would be a good antidote, because the pull is so powerful, or seems so powerful anyway.
Even one minute of interruption
It's just having a moment. Even one minute of a break from that can be really powerful, because if you get a glimpse by being without it for a moment, it reveals the possibility that it's not something absolutely real. That can change everything. We can go way back into it and ignore the glimpse, or we can start to really take it seriously. If we are rational, we can say, "Oh, yes, actually there's something here. I saw the truth that this isn't fundamentally real, not fundamentally true. There's a sense that this is an addiction."
The first thing we can see is that there is something problematic. Otherwise, as you said, it's just reality, just how life is. But when we glimpse that it's problematic, the next thing is: can it be resolved?
This reminds me of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism. There is suffering, there is a cause of suffering, there is the end of suffering, and there is the path. What I'm saying is: you have to recognize that this is suffering, that this is an addiction, as opposed to "that's the nature of life, and while I'm alive I'll just be in it."
The problem is getting caught in the content of it. To see that this is actually unnecessary, that there is something addictive operating, and that we can live without it: that's crucial. It's really important to see it's possible to live without that. And it's so rare to be reminded of this. Out in the world, no one is saying it.
Withdrawal
You could call what follows a process of healing, or you could call it the withdrawal symptoms of that addiction. That's another stage. When we start to see the pattern, we begin to fight with these withdrawal symptoms. When I talk about going into fear and pain, that's basically what it is. Because if we keep moving into this process, we will encounter what the whole addiction has been helping us manage.