The Fear of Trying and Failing
El miedo a intentarlo y fracasar
A question about feeling caught between two conflicting desires, wanting a family and wanting to remain alone, and the paralysis that comes from doubting one's ability to pursue what one truly wants.
The Fear of Trying and Failing
A question about feeling caught between two conflicting desires, wanting a family and wanting to remain alone, and the paralysis that comes from doubting one's ability to pursue what one truly wants.
I wanted to follow up on what was said earlier, which I found really useful and relevant to me as well. It's around this idea of choosing something that's apparently really unhelpful in your life.
I think my mental health in the last year has gone down. I'm 43, single, and childless. There's a growing tension between the need or want for a family and what I think is another part of me that has, somewhere along the line, chosen to be alone. Maybe there's a belief that being alone is the safer choice.
It almost feels like a fight between the two. It would make sense that there is a part of me that wants to be alone, because I've made choices where I've walked away from situations. Or I've gotten close to something I thought I wanted, and then it's felt too big or scary, so I've backed off.
The thought in my mind is: if I am on some level choosing that, then how can I un-want it? It's almost like I want one of those choices to win. It's like two personalities in conflict with each other. It's quite painful and confusing.
When I do try to take some action, I make a token effort and then give up because it feels tiring. I don't really know what's going on. There's some unhelpful belief that throws a spanner in the works. It feels like I just want to fast-forward a few years to when I at least have some direction, rather than this weird limbo.
The real question underneath
Do you feel some level of confidence that you can go after what you want? Or do you feel that it might be too scary or painful or difficult?
I don't feel very confident that it would be straightforward or easy.
I don't necessarily mean it will be straightforward, but that you can go after it, including the challenges, because it won't be straightforward.
I think I probably feel like I'll try and fail, actually. You can be brutal.
Yes. That's what I was wondering.