Certainty, Belief, and the Temptation of Experience
Certeza, creencia y la tentación de la experiencia
A series of questions about how personal interpretation shapes our judgments, how spiritual pointers can harden into beliefs, and why energetic experiences are not reliable measures of progress.
Certainty, Belief, and the Temptation of Experience
A series of questions about how personal interpretation shapes our judgments, how spiritual pointers can harden into beliefs, and why energetic experiences are not reliable measures of progress.
When we say we see that someone has trauma, there is my interpretation involved in it, from my personal point of view. And even when we talk to that person and find more information, it still has my interpretation involved. So we are judging based on a lot of our own mind's interpretation. If we believe to a high degree what we are saying to ourselves, then we are all just listening to our own mind's interpretation. At what point can there be a fair judgment without my interpretation?
There is no answer to that. It is always moment by moment. There is no rule. You might be convinced or have a high degree of certainty about something and be wrong. You could have a low degree of certainty and be right. It always changes moment by moment. In a sense, that is the dance, the art of life.
Yes. I am more aware now of how my mind interprets things. I can get single-minded about it sometimes. There is just some awareness of that. And also, when we say "everything is inside of me," very often when that is heard, it might turn into a belief and become an artificial acceptance. That caused a lot of suffering. It is my experience that when we hear something expansive, the mind often turns it into a belief. We think that if everything is inside of me, it feels like openness and acceptance, but when it is still held as a belief, it is artificial. It is not real acceptance. And without realizing that we are holding a belief, we have not really arrived at acceptance through direct experience.
The danger of certainty
Yes, that is correct. And this is related to what you were asking before, because it has to do with certainty. One rule I could offer is: the more certain we are about something, the more likely we are biased and wrong.
One thing is to know I can be wrong, yet still feel strongly or have a very strong intellectual assessment. I can feel very convinced but know that I could be wrong. That is different. For example, I have a very strong sense that if I drop something, it is going to fall. But I still have an openness to the possibility it won't, even though that possibility is only in the realm of miracle, very rare.
The more I can see my sense of certainty about things, the more they can become, in a sense, probabilities. If I am biased, I can see it. The more I recognize the thoughts behind my conviction, the more clearly I can see that they are assumptions or biases. But after doing that, after looking, I can still have a sense or a decision: I still feel very strongly about this, or I still hold this as very high probability. That is part of learning how to operate with the mind.
Pointers that become beliefs
Now, this is related to your point about pointers in this work. For example, the words "everything is inside of you." I remember very specifically that I said something a little different. It was something like, "Let everything be inside," or an invitation to explore: what if everything is inside of you? How does it feel? To adopt the perspective or the view that everything is inside, as an exploration.
Now, if that becomes a belief, if "everything's inside of me" is something I believe but do not actually experience, then we are back to the previous problem. I have a belief about reality that is not true, because "everything inside of me" is not true. It is words. It is false. Everything that is said in words is false. Everything is inside of me, and everything is outside of me. Everything would have to be denied in order for it to be closer to true.
But if I am feeling like everything is outside of me and there is a very strong division between me and what is outside, then that too is a belief. It has become a form of perceiving, or a form of interpreting perception, which carries a feeling tone of things being outside and inside. But it is based on a belief.
So to explore, in a meditation, as you are paying attention to sensation and perception: how does it feel to interpret it as all inside? That can produce a little shift. The point is not for it to become a new belief, but to soften the previous belief that everything is outside, that inside and outside are very separate. But yes, you are right that all of these pointers can become beliefs, and that can be very problematic.
But I do experience this. The birds are immediately heard; they are aware. Your talk is heard, and awareness has no boundary, no distance. So I do have, to a level, the experience of everything in awareness. And awareness cannot not be the body. It is not possible. And it is very obvious.
That is great. And wherever it is not yet obvious, you can contemplate.
I think when we get into the psychological or the interpersonal realm, then the degree of certainty should be way, way lower, as opposed to the laws of the physical universe, which seem more reliable. I have more certainty that something is going to drop than that I know what you are thinking.
Yes. That is why I said in the realm of probabilities, it is up there near miracle, but I actually consider it possible.
But when we start thinking we know what another person is thinking, it is like, whoa, look out.
That is a very big sign of trouble.
I noticed that in the meditation, I seem to have more capacity to watch some things. For instance, I think before I could not stay with the sensation of falling asleep, and I would fall asleep. Now I can look at it and not fall asleep, especially if I open my eyes. I was wondering if that is a real thing, that you get stronger at looking. Because toward the end of the meditation today, I started feeling this really intense current that gave me spasms. That sometimes happens to me. I noticed it was hard for me to keep my gaze on the center of that current, to put it in some words. Is there something else I can do, or should I just look at it?
You said "the center of the current." What is that? What are you referring to?
An intense current that flows up through my head. My body really tenses at moments. But when this is flowing more, or when I look at it toward the intensity, it seems to flow or discharge more, something like that.
Letting energy come and go
I would recommend not trying to manipulate it too much. Just let it come and go. It is probably very tempting to try to achieve something or do something energetically, and that opens a lot of rooms to get lost in.
I do not think I have ever tried to do anything with it. But is this idea real, that the gaze gets gradually stronger?
Yes. What you refer to as the gaze getting stronger, I would describe as becoming less identified. When we are contracted and identified in thought, that naturally releases energy of different kinds. It can happen, as you were saying, that we are avoiding something and we fall asleep as a way to avoid it. But sometimes falling asleep is the right thing. There is no rule about falling asleep.
I am just curious that it seems I can now not fall asleep, when before I could not stay awake.
Yes, that is good. It sounds like in your case, in this specific example, you were falling asleep to avoid. But the reverse can also happen, where you can go to a deeper state if you fall asleep, or something can release.
Just keep observing and do not bother too much with the energy. Let it come when it comes. You could have fun and explore what happens with your attention if you gaze directly at it, but it is more like playing and having fun than doing anything, going anywhere, or achieving anything. Let the process do what it does. Things happen at that level, but what really matters is prior to that. Just ride the wave.
The trap of energetic confirmation
One thing I feel like I get a little attached to when energy is moving is that it seems like some kind of confirmation that something is happening, some deeper realization or shift. Do you agree?
It can be, but it can also not be. If I am speaking generally (because one thing is you specifically at a specific moment), it is not necessarily a confirmation. It could be just an addictive process. It could be a process of expanding and contracting as a way to preserve an identification.
Because it feels good when you expand.
And so we do that, and then it feels like you are getting somewhere.
Feels like something is happening.
It can be, and in a sense it is. But what matters is prior to that. So you can have fun and allow it, enjoy it, but also know that it is not really the heart of what we are talking about. It is something that can happen and does happen, but it is not a confirmation in the sense that, if it happens, it means you are progressing.
It is like an expansion, but it does not mean you are gradually expanding more and more.
You can be expanding and contracting, but if what I get from the expansion is the sense that I got somewhere, then I have to contract again to feel like I got somewhere again.
And is that something you can perceive in any of us, which pattern it is?
Not immediately, because it is more like detecting a process over time. If it becomes something that is just repeating, then it is most likely that habit. You can notice the habit and notice how you might be putting energy and attention into it.
And if it is that habit, it just does not matter.
The ghost under the bed
I am talking from experience. A lot of years of energetic pyrotechnics. There were a lot of energetic shifts that were real in the sense of fundamental shifts, but then there were a lot that were just a habit of expanding and contracting. It is very mysterious as well. I do not fully understand it; I have a sense. I do know very strongly that it can be addictive and completely unrelated to actual freedom, but you also cannot deny it, avoid it, or fight it. In a sense, it has to be embraced as part of a process. This is a process that goes very deep in the body and in the mind, with energies that we do not understand, that we do not yet have tools to measure.
But it is not purely subjective. There is a physical process happening in the body.
The energies are not just subjective. They can be felt by others, yes.
When there is an experience like that, what matters is what was seen that is true and real at all times. As a metaphor: I am afraid of ghosts. I think there is a scary creature under the bed, and I am terrified. Then I look under the bed. There is nothing there. I feel very relieved, and suddenly I can sleep. It is amazing. Then, if I want to feel that release again, I have to convince myself again that there is a ghost under the bed. And then I can have that rush again: the contraction, the fear, the sleeplessness, and then I look under the bed and feel amazing. No ghost.
Is that why often when people are new to the path but very sincere, they will have an expansion, and then after a while those experiences slow down?
Yes, it is beginner's luck. Because you are not conditioned, it is new, you are not expecting anything, and things can happen quite intensely. But then the mind is going to appropriate everything and make a thing out of everything, a process out of everything, especially energetics.
The point is: you know there is no ghost under the bed. Stop believing there is a ghost at some point. Obviously, in that metaphor, a ghost could appear for the first time, so you have to keep checking. But the type of thing we are talking about has to do with "who am I, what am I." If I have a really deep glimpse that I am not separate, then keep looking at it when the sense of separation comes up again as a belief, instead of trying to repeat the experience that gave me that knowing. Just trust the knowing. Trust the glimpse. Trust the seeing. Then look: what is happening now? If there is a fear, if there is a worry, what is it about?
It is important to have those glimpses, even if they are partial. A partial glimpse is when the belief that I am completely separate gets pierced but is not fully gone, not fully seen. It gets softened.
I have had an experience quite a few times. After looking at the laptop, for example (it happens with other objects as well), I look away, sometimes up at the ceiling, and images of the laptop appear on the ceiling. Is that something significant?
You mean the retina still has triggers from the laptop, so you move away and you still see it?
Yes, and it is very visible. It looks like a mental image. But it is not a normal case. I do not normally get this kind of mental image. I am seeing this image reflected on nothing. I do not know if it is related to waking up.
Measuring progress by well-being, not by phenomena
I would not pay too much attention to that, because trying to look for signs that we are waking up through energetic or perceptual experiences is a tricky thing, and there is going to be a lot of confusion. The signs to look for are: what is my sense of well-being? Do I feel like there is more well-being than there used to be?
What do you mean by well-being?
I am trying not to call it peace, because what I refer to as peace cannot really be understood or described. But well-being is more like the effect of that in the body and the mind: more ease, less regular contraction and turmoil. That is a sign of waking up.
What you are describing, yes, there are all kinds of optical illusions and energetic things that can happen. Our eyesight can really change, especially if we meditate. The body and the mind go through a lot. It is very malleable, especially the mind. What we experience of perception and thought, a lot of strange things can happen. In a sense, it is good to notice that strange things are happening, and you can say, "OK, something is happening." But to try to measure progress that way is not the right approach, because then we will be seeking effects and experiences, trying to follow a map. First you have to see the laptop on the ceiling, then you have to see the blue unicorn. You are going to start experiencing all of the things according to the map.
Yes, thank you. And sometimes I lose feeling in my feet.
Yes, very common.
It is normal, then?
Yes. Feet, hands, body, world, mind. It could all go. Something remains. What is that?