When You Can't Do It
Cuando no puedes hacerlo
A reflection on the nature of surrender, how it differs from willful effort, and what it means to stop working toward change while remaining open to it.
When You Can't Do It
A reflection on the nature of surrender, how it differs from willful effort, and what it means to stop working toward change while remaining open to it.
The thing about surrender is that you can't do it. That's why I'm saying: you just might be at the point where surrender is the only thing left, and you can't do it.
Surrender is not a choice
Think of it like war. If you still have a fighting chance, you're going to fight. Anything you can do is just going to be more fighting. Surrendering is completely against your will. There comes a point where your willpower can only fight, resist, deny, and serve separation and illusion. Surrendering happens against your will. It is the moment when your independent, separate will finally just collapses.
That's how it felt to me. It was a complete collapse. What was happening was simply overwhelming. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't control it. Anything I did just did not work, and it got worse and worse and worse. This was very fast, in the end. And then what happened was the seeing that that independent will wasn't real. There was no such thing. But up until that moment, it was my experience.
Assume nothing will change
So what could be useful is this pointing: What if this is how the rest of your life is going to be? Assume it is. Assume nothing is going to change. Then, can you be okay with that? Practice just being okay without needing to accept it. If it's gray, if it's a mixed bag of not very awesome things, assume that's how it's going to be. But don't convince yourself of it as a fixed belief. Assume it as a way to engage with what is here. There's no guarantee it's going to change. Assume it's not going to change, but don't be closed to the possibility that it does. Just let go of the whole energy of working toward that change. Maybe it's time to put that effort to rest.
Stay close, stay curious
This could mean you go to a retreat. You can still go. You come here. You talk to a teacher. But the underlying energy and motivation is different. Be in good company. Stay close to people it feels good to be close with. Be curious.