Small Steps Through the Overwhelm
Pequeños pasos a través de lo abrumador
A student shares his struggle with growing up, addiction, loneliness, and confusion, and the teacher responds with compassion, practical guidance, and an offer of continued support.
Small Steps Through the Overwhelm
A student shares his struggle with growing up, addiction, loneliness, and confusion, and the teacher responds with compassion, practical guidance, and an offer of continued support.
I'm having trouble growing up. I'm struggling with addiction, self-sabotage, loneliness, and a lot of confusion. I'm having trouble being healthy, both mentally and physically. I'm not exercising at all, and I'm totally alone. Could you say something about that?
Are you hurting? Are you in pain now?
It's more than pain. It's been about ten years. I'm in Europe, and I'm totally alone. There is no word to describe it.
The weight of isolation
I feel you. I feel your vulnerability. We're here every Wednesday, so that's a start. Usually these things, especially growing up, take time. Part of this work unfolds in time and part of it doesn't, but a lot of what you're going through takes time.
It has taken a lot of time because of being alone and lacking a mirror from someone. Without that reflection, there's no one to say, "You're doing this wrong." And then there's the addiction, and maybe also non-duality and other things on top of it all. So it's everything.
Starting where there is energy
Tell me, what do you feel you have energy or interest in? Because to start with something, you need small steps. Start where you have some interest or motivation, even if it's very little. You've talked about many challenges, and they're all woven together. You can't take them all on at the same time. But if you start somewhere, it's going to create a ripple effect.
I don't know. I'm completely full, so nothing is going in. Maybe I should do some exercise to empty the stress and all that stuff.
Are you able to work? Do you have a job?
I just started, yeah. I have a job, but I make a lot of mistakes. I was studying and couldn't continue, and I recently stopped studying again. I'm doing nursing.
And you're able to work, even though you're making mistakes. That's okay. You're able to work.
I just started the theory portion in nursing, but I also work as a barkeeper. I do work, but I have to, because I'm on my own. Actually, I think I should go to a clinic. I don't think I'm mentally fit right now. It's way too much. But I'm working because I don't have other options.
What is your addiction?
I'm addicted to my phone, social media, pornography, other things, and also thinking.
Are you able to go to your work and do what you have to do?
Yes, but only because I have no other options.
Well, that's good. And you said exercise. That's something you feel you could try?
I don't have energy for it, but it's the thing I should do. I don't have energy for anything.
When it feels like dying
It's going to take time, but it's possible. It's very possible. It's just going to take time. What matters is to make small steps.
It feels like dying, though. Everything is too much. It's like an electric shock in my brain. Everything is falling apart. The mind and the body feel like they're starting to die.
Let's find a time tomorrow to talk privately. I think we can talk a little more.
Yeah, that would be great. I'm not doing well today, so it might be that. Tomorrow would be great.
Can you do the same time as today? Let's arrange it now.
Any time after the hour we started would work. So six in the evening for me.
Six p.m. your time. I'll message you as a reminder. Thank you for sharing. I really feel you, very vulnerable and going through a lot.
Change is possible
Change is possible. Moving through fear and pain is possible.
It might be possible, but for what? I'm not finding the purpose for it. What is the change for?
It will be toward a direction where you feel good. Everything that's so difficult will become easier to face. And that which you can't imagine can appear: joy, well-being, enjoyment, friendship, laughter, love. All of that is possible.
Sometimes that doesn't make sense, though. What is love? What is joy? What is laughter? It's just thought, right?
No, it's not. It's not thought. I'm proposing that you can discover for yourself that it's not thought. It's real and it's valuable, but you can discover that for yourself. I'm not going to convince you. You will know it for yourself. It will be the core of your experience. It's possible.
The confusion of non-duality
I experienced something like that once, about nine years ago. I was listening to a teacher, and there was a separation between me and thought. There was nothing else. But I also got pulled into non-duality, and it confuses me. The intellectual side becomes really confusing, and it can become problematic when we're growing up. It creates a lot of problems right now.
Yes, exactly. Some teachings are more useful depending on where we are on the journey. Non-duality can become more problematic if we're at a certain stage.
Exactly. I don't need waking up. I need growing up.
Waking up isn't so important right now. We need the proper foundation for that.
Yeah, exactly. The growing up part. The path of love, the teachings of love, self-love. That's non-existent for me right now.
And that's part of growing up. As you said when you asked your question, you need health in your life. Help with yourself, and knowledge. That's what you need right now for growing up. We have a time to talk tomorrow.
Yeah, there's nothing much more right now.
The need for action
Can I suggest a couple of things? What about watching funny videos?
I've done that a lot. Just doing that doesn't help. There needs to be movement now. I've done lots of listening and not doing anything. Now there needs to be some doing on my part.
Action. Exactly. Action is needed. You can go into green nature and do sports.
That's exactly what I need.
What about listening to music?
Music is good, but I can't listen to songs. I can't concentrate on lyrics anymore. Classical music is okay. I can listen to just music, but not songs.
No need for songs. Classical music is just fine.
Yeah, I'm going to listen to more music. I think I'll go to bed now. Thank you.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.