Where Thoughts Come From, and What the Ocean Really Is
De dónde vienen los pensamientos, y qué es realmente el océano
A question about noticing that thoughts don't seem to originate from any personal location, and whether the inquiry "Who am I?" remains a valid practice.
Where Thoughts Come From, and What the Ocean Really Is
A question about noticing that thoughts don't seem to originate from any personal location, and whether the inquiry "Who am I?" remains a valid practice.
Lately, in certain moments when I catch myself in a thought, I've had this reflection: where is the thought coming from? It doesn't feel like it's coming from my head. Is it coming from the field? It doesn't carry that same story that it's appearing from my brain, that it is in me. It just feels like it's appearing in me, but I don't really know why or where it came from. It's so interesting. And so, is the question "Who am I?" still valid?
Yes, it is. "Who am I?" will point to the fact that thoughts come and go, images of yourself come and go, sensations come and go. Everything is coming and going, and yet I'm still here. So I cannot be thoughts. I cannot be sensations. That clarification is one initial clarification, and it can be deepened, because there are always deeper, more subtle thoughts that I identify with. But that only goes halfway.
The surfer, the wave, and the ocean
Think of it this way: you're a surfer, surfing on the waves. You think you are the surfer. And I'm saying, no, you're the ocean. When you ask "Who am I?", I'm suggesting you look and see that you might be the ocean. But right now, you actually identify with a wave. You think you are this wave. Then you realize the waves are coming and going, constantly shifting. There is no such thing as a fixed wave, and when that wave disappears, I'm still here. I'm still aware of these waves. This is the thoughts, the sensations. So you start to notice: I'm actually this deep thing, awareness, from where I look at the waves.
But then I'm saying that's only halfway, because now you're in a sense identifying with the opposition from thoughts.
Only halfway
That's great. That's a good practice, and you've gone into real depth. You see all the waves, all the thoughts, which you took to be true, the sensations, the body, the mind, and you realize all of that is coming and going. One day the ocean is totally flat, there are no waves, and you're still here. So you can't be the movement of the waves, that which you thought you were. But then I'm saying: when the waves are there, how are you not the waves? You're the ocean. And so "Who am I?" can take you all the way, because it reveals: I'm not the waves, and I'm not not the waves.
So initially it's this exploration of awareness, like neti neti, and then there's a further part. About six months ago I was doing a practice where I would go walking, and I would feel myself, and then I would feel an object in front of me, like a lamppost, and then I would bring it together and see that it's all appearing in the same space. I'm not here and it's not separate. It's appearing in my visual field, therefore it's appearing in me. Is this akin to what you're talking about as the next step?
Connected but still distinct
It's an in-between. In the metaphor of the ocean, it's like you go to the depth and notice the waves, and you see: I'm not the waves, I'm this quiet depth. What you're pointing to is noticing that they're all connected, all in the same space, this thing that's here, that's wet. And that's an initial recognition that there isn't a separation. But there's still a distinction.
That distinction has a hard line to it. It's like glass and water: the water appears in the glass, they're in the same space, but there are two. There's a subtle division. The space is this room, and there's a table, there's a laptop. They're in the same space, connected, definitely inseparable, because they're in the same reality. But they still feel like two separate things in a way.
And that last part, that separateness, is an interpretation. The thoughts, sensations, and perceptions that are appearing are to some degree always distinct, but appearing in the same space. So they're always connected, undivided, yet there's a subtle distinction. And that's what you're pulling away from: pulling away from thought into awareness. Which is a valid practice. But as we go into depth, we can get stuck in that movement, when home is recognizing that you are the ocean.
Right. So there's not sound and a listener. There's just hearing. There's just sound.
No thinker, no perceiver
There's not thoughts and a thinker, or a perceiver of thoughts. There's just thoughts. And when there are no sounds, no sensations, no perceptions, nothing at all, there's just something you can't name. You could call it consciousness, being, but you can't truly name it, because it's nothing.
Understood. Thank you.