When the Subtle Shift Is the Real One
Cuando el cambio sutil es el verdadero
A student describes a growing sense of ease and flow, but notices a constriction that arises in one-on-one interactions. The teacher reframes what counts as a "big" shift and addresses how to relate to residual habits without feeding them.
When the Subtle Shift Is the Real One
A student describes a growing sense of ease and flow, but notices a constriction that arises in one-on-one interactions. The teacher reframes what counts as a "big" shift and addresses how to relate to residual habits without feeding them.
There's a flow occurring now, as opposed to a reactivity to life and a constant wanting to fix, change, or modify things. There's a relaxation of that, and it feels like there's no real need for it because things are just happening as they are. It's been a really nice development, and it's been subtle and slow. There haven't been any big shifts or changes that I've noticed.
But one thing I do notice is that when I'm on my own, or even in a group, there's a real sense of beingness being everywhere and everything. The non-separation is pretty palpable. But then when I'm one-on-one with somebody, something comes back. There's a constriction back into a thing here and a thing there. It doesn't really feel like a self. I'm not sure what this thing is that seems to come back online, but there's a separation I notice between self and other. And with that, sometimes there's a feeling of doing that wants to happen, or needs to happen, or that I need to do something in the conversation. I'm curious if you have any thoughts on that, because it feels uncomfortable. There's a constriction in it. Sometimes it's just sensations I can notice, and it doesn't feel like a thing. But other times it really feels like I'm a thing here and there's a thing there, and that seems very different from the experience I have at other times, where there's no constriction or separation at all.
The subtle shifts matter most
You said something earlier where you described this change and then said it's not a big deal, that it's subtle, not a big thing. I would reframe that. Usually the big changes that matter most are subtle. The mind interprets dramatic shifts as the real deal, but actually the most important shifts are deep, and depth is subtle.
What you're describing as this flow and ease is actually a big deal. The mind is going to classify the "big deal" as some dramatic event, but it's the other way around. Dramatic shifts usually don't go as deep. They tend to be earlier in the process, when identification is so profound that a glimpse feels like a seismic event. But as things deepen, the shifts become more subtle and more permanent, more consistent over time. Ultimately, what we're moving toward is a really subtle shift where you probably don't even notice it, and only in hindsight do you realize something has changed and there's simply a well-being present.
Whether there's a sense of subject or object, duality or non-duality, it doesn't matter. Those are all tools, techniques, practices, and pointers. But if there's peace and well-being, then everything else is just philosophy.
I've been a student of all this for so long that I try to use all the tools and techniques, and I think that gets the mind going. There's always this reflecting: "Oh, subject-object, no subject-object."
Those tools are important because they're essentially powerful techniques. But ultimately, this isn't about some kind of perfect non-dual understanding. It's about a real shift that, the deeper it is, the more subtle it becomes. The struggle and suffering of life dissolves to the degree that it's no longer important, no longer in the foreground, no longer taking the center of your life. There could be frictions here and there. It's also impossible to function without an intermittent appearance of subjectivity.
Even with that sense of constriction that comes with it? That's what I'm noticing.
Don't feed the loop
The constriction could be a side effect, like a hangover. If you bother too much with it, it becomes a loop. Just notice it. Don't give it importance, because it can appear as a habit of the body and the mind. Those habits take time to shift.
Sometimes it feels like just sensation, just a constriction of sensation.
It is always sensation. You did say it's not a self but more like a subject. If there is a struggle with it, you are identifying. So there is an identification happening. But I could also say: what's the big deal? Just ignore it. If it's really persistent and deeply entrenched, then yes, work with it. But if it's something appearing in a subtle way that comes and goes, why give it energy? In fact, the opposite: just notice it and ignore it. Ignore it in the sense of not bringing it into a process where you're going to work on it.
That makes a lot of sense. I think it's the loop you're talking about. When I notice it, I start to think about it or react to it.
Exactly.
It takes on importance that way, instead of it just being an appearance.
It depends on what stage things are at. If there's a deep contraction and a deep identification that you're unaware of and in denial about, then focusing on it is the way to bring it up, make it conscious, explore it, and work with it. But if you're on the other end of this, where you've worked through it and you've had very deep, real shifts, and there's just a remaining hangover of that habit, then focusing on it is a little bit of a regression. It's unnecessary. If it really becomes central and truly comes up, then sure. But even that might just need a day of simply not paying attention to it.
It's like stress comes up and I notice it, but even then it's just sensation, just thoughts. It doesn't feel like there's an identification with it nearly as much. I like what you're saying. I'm going to try that: just let it be, let it be part of what's appearing without making it a big deal.
Stress within well-being
Life is naturally stressful, especially if you live with aliveness, in the sense that if you're really going for an abundant life, there are going to be edges, stressors. The body-mind is going to get stressed. That's natural. It doesn't always have to be that way. We could be in a phase of life where things are settled, there isn't a lot more to go after, there's contentment, and things are more easeful. But neither way is right or wrong.
I have a very intense life, going after really big projects that involve very challenging situations, with periods of time that are very extreme. But that's just what's happening here. There are potentialities that I am drawn to and going after. There are changes in the world that I have an intent to be part of. What I've set out to do ended up, somewhat accidentally, placing me in the middle of a storm of businesses and changes happening in the world today. It's extremely stressful.
But my point is that this was natural for me to move into. The same is true for any passion: music, learning an instrument, practicing. These are natural stressors. Whatever you're drawn to, whatever that life force in you is called to do, it could be anything. And that adventure is going to have a certain aspect of challenge to the body and mind. If you feel called to run a marathon, you're going to have to build up to it. The muscles are going to be stressed. The mind is going to be stressed. The stressors will have certain flavors and experiences: sensations, thoughts. What can happen is that those stressors appear, and there is still peace and well-being.
That's what it feels more like. The stress is at the edge, like you can push into something new, but it doesn't feel separate from this more ease or flow that's part of moment-to-moment existence right now. That's really nice.
It's like playing soccer with friends and really competing, really going for it. There are going to be stressors, but there's an underlying easefulness. The body and mind are pushing limits, maybe even experiencing physical pain, but underneath is the playfulness, the fun, the enjoyment.
I'm speaking about this at length because my perspective is not against life. It's not against the abundance of human endeavor and all of the experiences that can be lived and loved. We don't hold an understanding that says, "If I'm on a spiritual path and I discover some sense of non-duality, then everything needs to be soft and gentle, with no pursuing of anything, because I'm at peace now."
That would be totally impractical.
Awakening is not the absence of life
Not only impractical. I think it's a very common misunderstanding. Awakening or spirituality is not the absence of things in life. Coming back to your situation: if you're living and you're content and there are stressors because of how you live and what you want, that's not a problem.
So don't over-focus on sensations and stressors. Be more attentive to: Is this what I want to be doing? Is there well-being here? Is there more that I want? The desire that is universal, that is not from the separate body-mind, can be quite powerful and quite big. One could point to a Beethoven or an Einstein. That intelligence and creativity came from something deeper than just the body-mind, from a very deep universal dimension of what is alive and awake. Beethoven's life wasn't easy. I'm not saying he was awake, but he was definitely in touch with something beyond the separate body-mind. That's where true creativity comes from. Every person who is genuinely expressing a very deep gift can, even if temporarily, disidentify.
So what I'm saying is that being disidentified does not mean you don't have very big life pursuits, or specific ones. You would love to do this thing or that thing, hiking or whatever it is.
I really appreciate that you bring those two together as much as you do. That's really helpful for me, because that's right where I am. Life and the awakening are moving together as the beingness of just going into what life has me moving toward, and enjoying that.
Yes. A pleasure. Good to see you again.