The Origin of the Direction
El origen de la dirección
A student who experiences intense energetic convulsions since a kundalini awakening asks whether they should be opening to this energy more often, and the teacher explores whether the impulse to activate such states comes from thought or genuine surrender.
The Origin of the Direction
A student who experiences intense energetic convulsions since a kundalini awakening asks whether they should be opening to this energy more often, and the teacher explores whether the impulse to activate such states comes from thought or genuine surrender.
Ever since I had a kundalini awakening many years ago, I have this capacity where I can choose to go into a mode where I'm just constantly convulsing. I choose that sometimes just to move energy. Especially hearing you describe how blocking energy is how thought gets solidified, and vice versa, it makes me wonder: am I supposed to be opening to this energy more often? Because it's very uncomfortable. It's just like jerking.
The key there is: what's the origin? You said you can choose to go into a mode that activates that, and that can only come from a thought.
That's the part I have no idea how to describe. It's not a thought. It's similar to how I can shift into a non-dual lens.
Voluntary shifts and their subtle origin
You need to look more carefully. There is a subtlety there in where that direction is coming from. I understand what you mean. I know what you're referring to: there can be a shift that appears to be voluntary, and then different things happen, energy and so on. But if you look more closely, more subtly, at the origin of that direction, you need to ask: where does that choice come from? Then see if it's coming from thought.
If it is, there is a manipulation happening, and that's not going to be healthy for the body. Conversely, it could be that there is an avoidance of it happening through thought, and then yes, allowing it would be healthy. These are not mutually exclusive. It's not going to be one or the other.
When allowing becomes a habit
I know this from my own experience. There was an option of going into a bit of a state that creates an energetic shift, but it was actually a habit. It felt like allowing a process, but it was a habit. So I want to highlight: you really need to see the root of that direction, where it's coming from.
You're saying the habit was to go into the energy, or the habit was to avoid the energy?
To go into it. It's like the polarity of mind. After many, many years of pushing away from that, there comes a reversal: "Oh, there's energy, there's awakening, there's kundalini." And now the habit of the mind swings to the opposite position, activating, going toward it. That becomes habit-forming. It's not free, and it can actually be problematic for the organism.
I feel like the opposite might be the case for me. If I tune in, it feels more like a surrender of thought is what brings it on.
Constant attunement, not a fixed answer
Just explore that question. Don't look at it as though you already have the answer, as though it must be A or B. It's a constant attunement. You may realize there's been a habit of this, but it's a constant attunement where you see more and more of the subtleties of how we use mind to interfere, to create a sense of control. That interference does distort things and shift energies. It might be that you explore further while you're in that state where things are shaking, and you go there more or less. I don't know.
The prescription isn't determining whether it's A or B. It's looking at the subtlety of where the direction is coming from. That requires a really subtle attention and integrity, where you don't fool yourself.
That makes sense. Thank you.