The Space Between Sleeping and Thinking
El espacio entre dormir y pensar
A student asks about the fine line between falling asleep and entering a meditative state, and whether the drowsy, in-between quality of their experience is a problem.
The Space Between Sleeping and Thinking
A student asks about the fine line between falling asleep and entering a meditative state, and whether the drowsy, in-between quality of their experience is a problem.
I have a question about meditative states. I've been mostly doing meditation starting with you, and in the beginning I would fall asleep quite often. Sometimes I would try to prevent myself from falling asleep. I notice that when I'm trying to sleep at night, I fall asleep and then automatically try not to sleep because I feel like, "Is this meditation, or am I sleeping?" In meditation lately, I've been noticing that my mind enters a state where it feels like I'm sleeping, but I know I'm not sleeping. It's like some kind of energy-reserve mode. It seems like such a fine line, and I don't know how to navigate it.
For you specifically, I would say don't worry too much about falling asleep or staying awake. At most, if you're actually sitting for meditation, find a position that's a bit harder to fall asleep in. If you're lying down on a couch, it's going to be a lot easier to fall asleep. You can explore using a chair or a pillow so you're sitting in a position where your head doesn't have a place to rest. But don't force it if it's stressful, and if you're tired, let yourself be tired.
A state worth exploring, not fixing
When we're meditating and entering the state you're talking about, it could be a positive thing. It's just a matter of continuing to explore and experiment, but not from a place of stress or routine. Don't worry too much about what's happening with states, whether it's a meditative state or sleep.
What can happen is this: if we're very involved in a way of being that is deeply immersed in the world of thinking, and then we give ourselves a bit of time, especially in a group setting where there's a group energy, our body-mind isn't used to that pause. All it knows is "sleep" and "awake," and "awake" means very much involved in thinking. So meditation and that state of falling asleep aren't actually that different, because there's a slowing down of the world of thinking. Sometimes all we know how to do when that slows down is fall asleep. It's just a habit. We can also be very tired from constant thinking.
Curiosity over correctness
Just notice if you have any worry about it, or if you're trying to do it right. The most important thing is that you have a curiosity that gives you the desire to sit and meditate and explore. Then you can play with it: "What if I sit in a position that's a little harder to fall asleep in?" But don't torture yourself. If you're falling asleep, it's totally fine. A lot of what happens when we do this work isn't us doing it. It's about allowing something. It's really all about that, because we're not doing anything, really.
I guess for me it feels like there's a tightrope or something.
It is a balance. It is exactly that, and that's why I'm saying explore a position that's a little harder to fall asleep in. If you're falling too easily into sleep, the balance is: what if it's a little harder to fall asleep because my head doesn't have a place to rest? Maybe you start nodding off. But if you're doing that and it's stressful, and you're tired, and you're forcing yourself to stay awake, then stop. Because that's the other side of it: trying to do something, get somewhere, force something.
The in-between place
I've had some really powerful shifts in meditations where I was pretty much falling asleep. That place of "I'm kind of asleep and I'm kind of awake" is a lot better than if we're meditating and we're thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking.
It teeters from thinking to "okay, I'm experiencing," and then I'm falling asleep.
That's it. Just notice: "Oh, now I'm in that. Now I'm in that." And you'll start to become more awake in the place that's in between. Just aware that there's something that's aware, and there isn't the normal world of thought. Which, it seems like, is what you're already describing.