Seeing and Habit
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This meditation explores how lasting change comes not from fighting our habits but from looking closely enough to see what is actually driving them.
Seeing and Habit
Updating the map
You know, once you have updated your map somewhat significantly,
I don't think it's necessarily a given that you remain awake.
There's a story of someone who was a really devout practitioner for years or decades,
close to some pretty well-known spiritual leader,
and then he became a used car salesman.
Now that I'm saying that, I'm realizing there's a negative connotation to that.
Maybe he just decided to do that and that was fine.
But I thought of it as a story that shows how your map can actually shift back,
or shift away from what was being discussed earlier.
And I notice that in myself sometimes,
that even though I have a strong enough conviction to understand
that I'm just doing a lot of projection most of the time,
I still end up choosing habits,
giving into habits that strengthen a machine,
as opposed to this process of unfolding and awakening.
Progression and seeing
I think the best way for this, back to maps,
is to consider it a process that is staged.
There's an aspect that is a progression.
There's an aspect of it that is not a progression.
There can be a seeing that's outside of time, that's right now,
where what is can be recognized.
I know these are words, but I'm describing something that's not a process.
It doesn't happen through time.
But that seeing can be, as in the metaphor of the snake and the rope,
partial or total.
And there are different degrees of partiality.
So what happens is the seeing happens not in a progressive way.
It happens spontaneously, instantaneously in the moment.
And that seeing can be partial.
But then what happens is a process of integration,
where that seeing that was partial starts to become incorporated in the way we function.
It starts to affect our biology.
It even affects our biology.
The body will start to shift because the brain is going to shift.
The brain is going to change its connections in order to function a little differently,
and that takes time.
So there's an aspect where we can see more deeply,
but the seeing is not a progression.
We just see what is, more directly.
And then there's a progression in time where that becomes incorporated in our daily living.
Habits and deeper seeing
So what you're describing, that these habits are still there:
there is a seeing, because usually we try to fight the habits
and control the habits and change the habits.
There's an aspect of that that's just the integration.
But then there's going to be a kind of ceiling.
We just hit a ceiling where we can't push beyond,
and what's needed is a deeper seeing.
What is really happening?
What is the illusion taking place?
Because when we see what is, really, habits stop functioning,
because they're guided and energized by a misinterpretation
of what we need and what we want and what's available.
When we can see that what we're wanting isn't where we were looking for it,
we stop looking for it there.
We need to fully see that it's not there.
So it's not about forcing ourselves to not look there anymore,
which is the attempt of controlling the habit.
It's about seeing more deeply that what we're doing
is looking for something where it's not.
Observing and unwinding
And it's the same mechanism, the same practice as in earlier stages of just observing.
Observing is a central aspect,
because the integration and the incorporation and the changes happen very naturally after.
It's part of how a body develops or the mind learns.
There's an aspect where we're involved, there's this experience of being part of it,
but a lot of it is happening beyond our effort.
So when we fully see what's driving a habit,
it will naturally start to unwind.
All I'm pointing to is just:
pay more attention and look more closely
to see what's really there with this particular habit or habits.
Illusion feels like reality
What happens is we don't know we are in illusion.
We think it's reality.
It's not experienced as, "Oh, I'm choosing this illusory thing."
We experience that as reality.
So there's a part of you that still has a belief
that something's going to be obtained from that habit.
There's still an investment: "This is going to bring me some kind of reward."
Even if a part of you knows it's not, has been there a million times.
What is hidden
It's about seeing more deeply.
Something is still hidden, and it will be of the nature of feeling.
The habit is helping not feel something.
And so just sitting in mindfulness might also be a way to control and avoid.
It's very common for a meditation practice to also be used
as a way to create a state and avoid feeling.