Surrender Is Not a Doing
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A question about the nature of surrender: whether it can be practiced deliberately, or whether it only happens on its own when resistance falls away.
Surrender Is Not a Doing
A question about the nature of surrender: whether it can be practiced deliberately, or whether it only happens on its own when resistance falls away.
I was wondering if you could speak a little bit about surrender. It's something that has been coming up very strongly for me over the past few months. For me, surrender is not really something you do; it's something that happens. Yet I feel really called to somehow do it as well, and I'm not sure where I'm going with that. Every time I try consciously to surrender to something that's going on, whether it's fear or body sensations, I really have a feeling that it's the mind doing it. I'm just wondering if you have something to say about that.
Surrender ultimately is not something you can do, because all we can really do is fight, and find ways to fight and resist. Surrendering happens when our fighting and resisting fails.
Think of a battle. One side will only surrender when there's no other option. In a sense, it's just a plea for some kind of way out. Surrendering really is only the realization that fighting is useless.
You can consecrate, you can pray, you can offer, you can invite, and try to have that come from a genuine place. In that sense, it's a prayer. But the actual doing of it is not a doing. I think you said it yourself at first: you can't surrender. It's not something you can do.
Right, it was something that started happening very naturally. And what I'm sensing through your answer is that, because it started happening naturally, the mind tries to grab it and make something of it, because it feels so good. It just happened, really deeply, a few times. I was almost surprised that these words could come up: "Whatever happens, it's fine." And it felt so good. And then probably the mind just took hold of it, thinking, "There's something here I can use."
Exactly. We think, "This works. Let's do that again. Let's make it something we can control." But what's actually happening is related to what we can't control, which is pretty much everything.
That's very clear. I'm happy I asked, because there was a feeling that I could do something about it.
The invitation to lean toward reality
What we can do is not a doing, and it has to do with observing, with seeing, with knowing. There is something in us that wants to know reality, and something in us that wants to veil it. To whatever degree we're knowing it or veiling it is a free choice that we are making.
I say that so that we don't feel powerless. I really want to communicate that this is not something happening to us, that we are not victims of it. It's a very deep choice. What we can do is lean toward reality. I'm speaking to that part of us, inviting it to lean toward what is real. And as we choose that, as we fall in love with that more and more, surrendering is just a side effect, a consequence.
Can you explain a little more about leaning toward reality?
To be honest with yourself about what is real and true for you. What are you actually feeling? What do you actually want? What is your actual deepest experience? That's reality.
The gold that is always here
There was a talk you gave that I found online, which is actually what brought me to you. You were speaking with someone about how truth is just the breath, and it's so simple. You were explaining exactly what you just said: that we are not powerless, that there's a kind of cramping happening. And you said that the mind is always promising a big gold nugget in the future, while the present moment is all gold and we just can't see it.
What I felt when I listened to that was: yes, it's just constantly projecting that something will be better in the future. Even a tiny bit better in the future seems more compelling than looking at what is already here now. And you also mentioned that it's not only about projecting far into the future. It's also moment to moment: "In one minute, when I get my cup of coffee, things will be better than now." We are moving from instant to instant in this way. The more I look at that, the more frustrating it becomes, because it's just so obvious. And then you can't help surrendering to this.
Use that as an example. I spoke some words in relation to something, and it resonated with you. It just became true. You saw it: this is reality. And so you chose reality.
Yes, I think that's what I wanted to say. It was exactly that. It felt like, "This is so true. This is what I'm doing, and this is what is actually true. It's here and now. I feel it's here." But something is so used to just looking toward the future.
The house of cards
Yes, because the mind is very good at creating this hypnotic world that seems real, which is the future. To the degree that we believe it's real, we will be tempted by the promise of these golden nuggets. But if you really look at your experience, the future is always made of mind. And gold that's made of mind is imaginary gold. Everything else, all sensation, all vitality, is all now. Walking toward the coffee is just as precious as having the coffee and sipping it.
That's very helpful. I think it really answers my question about surrender. You said to look at reality, and that was the part I wasn't getting.
Yes, because there is a part of us that is choosing reality, and another part that is choosing illusion. When the illusion becomes pierced, that part starts to lose the battle. It's going to be hard for you to convince yourself that there's gold in the future, because you've seen, even if for a second, that it's just not possible. To the degree that this becomes more and more obvious, more and more of the time, the part of you that's trying to chase the goal in the future is going to start surrendering.
It's a whole house of cards that will collapse slowly. I always recommend, if there's anything we can do, to be gentle and go slow, because I know how rough it can be if it's sudden. But for some people, it is sudden.
Thank you so much.
You're very welcome.