The Pull of Unnecessary Thought
La atracción del pensamiento innecesario
A question about noticing how commentary thoughts arise and become compelling, and the difference between useful and unnecessary mental activity.
The Pull of Unnecessary Thought
A question about noticing how commentary thoughts arise and become compelling, and the difference between useful and unnecessary mental activity.
I had a clear seeing of a thought bubbling up that said, "This is boring." I could also clearly see that after the thought appeared, there was something like a movement that could follow it. I couldn't see the actual thing that was going toward the thought, but it felt like there was a movement that could go to it. I kept my attention on that movement and, in a sense, allowed myself to just see it through.
That's what I wanted to share. This kind of mental activity feels very different from when I do a calculation. That's also mental activity, but when I spend half an hour working out a computation, it's totally peaceful. I'm trying to avoid the trap of being dissociated from the mind. We still use the mind; it's very useful. But I feel like the other types of thoughts, like "this is boring," are commentary thoughts. They're losing their power to capture attention. Attention doesn't fall so easily into those kinds of thoughts anymore.
The question of what chooses a thought
In the seeing, I couldn't identify the actual thing that selected a given thought. What is it that chooses the thought, that chooses to experience what the thought is saying? I feel like there's just no way I can see what it is that chose to go toward the thought.
That's a really good question, and I would like to not answer it. I want to comment on what you're describing, but I'd like to leave that question for you to contemplate. What, in the experience, is happening when a thought is chosen? I think it's a really important question.
I did see some clue. First a thought appears, and then it felt like seeing itself becomes tainted. Part of the seeing is contaminated by something else, maybe by holding a position. What I'm saying is that the seeing of this door is not pure seeing. There might be some sort of agenda behind or within the seeing that controls the thought.
Yes. When you discover what chooses the thought, it will be quite a revelation. So just keep looking. Keep that curiosity alive.
Noticing the pull of commentary
What you were saying earlier is really good: that you notice, for example, the thought "this is boring," and the experience of that being compelling. Why should a comment about something being boring matter? You're noticing how it can be compelling, but also the difference between useful thought and not useful thought. When you're engaged in the practical, useful kind of thinking, it can be quite pleasant and peaceful. That's really good to recognize.
The same discovery can happen when you're not needing to use thought. It can be just there, coming and going, ready to be useful if needed. But when that's happening, things can get really quiet once we realize thought isn't needed right now.
Why we reach for thought when we don't need it
When you notice thought coming up and being compelling, we are using it for a reason. When we get pulled into thought while we're not needing to, for example, if we're sitting quietly, we are using the mind for something. It's not the right use of thought. It's not what the mind is for. In a sense it is, but it's not the best use.
You already know that difference. So what I'm suggesting is: look at when thought is compelling in a moment where you're just sitting, meditating, not needing thought. Why am I compelled? What is the pull right now?
It's always going to be the same thing. Thought gives a sense of knowing, a certain kind of safety or security. It allows you to manage part of the experience that's happening now. There's something in reality, in what you could call presence, that is uncertain. It could be a bit scary. There's an expansiveness, an openness, a vulnerability, and we are often uncomfortable with that. When I say "we," I'm referring to human beings. It takes time for us to learn to be with that.
Learning that it's okay
In a sense, we recognize that it's okay: that there's something here now that feels almost dangerous, vulnerable, insecure. The more you can be with that, the more it starts to show itself as okay, at different levels. There's the level of the heart, where pain is okay to be with. Being wounded in the heart at the deepest level is okay. The deepest sense of insecurity around life and death is okay.
When we're able to sit with those sensations and experiences and notice the experience itself, it's going to be known as okay. Not as a narrative around it. It's going to be felt.
That's when the compelling quality of mind, which was helping us deal with that sense of not-okay, begins to dissolve. As we notice that it's okay, we're going to be calling for thought less. At a certain point, it's just going to be available when we need it. As you're saying, you need thirty minutes of calculations, and the mind is going to be very ready for that, not tired, even more effective. And there's room for creating, for imagination, for dreaming too.