Watching Without Falling Asleep
Observar sin quedarse dormido
A question about the role of interpretation in perceiving others, followed by a question about growing capacity to stay present with intense physical sensations during meditation.
Watching Without Falling Asleep
A question about the role of interpretation in perceiving others, followed by a question about growing capacity to stay present with intense physical sensations during meditation.
When we say we see that someone has trauma, there is my interpretation involved in it, from my personal point of view. And even when we talk to that person and find more information, it still has my interpretation involved. So we are judging based on a lot of our own mind's interpretation. If we believe to a high degree what we are saying to ourselves, then we are all just listening to our own mind's interpretation. At what point can there be a fair judgment without my interpretation?
There is no answer to that. It is always moment by moment. There is no rule. You might be convinced or have a high degree of certainty about something, and you could be wrong. Conversely, you could have a low degree of certainty and be right. It always changes moment by moment, and in a sense that is the dance, the art of life.
Growing capacity to observe
I noticed that through meditation I seem to have more capacity to watch certain things. For instance, I think before I couldn't stay with the sensation of falling asleep; I would just fall asleep. Now I can look at it and not fall asleep, especially if I open my eyes. I was wondering if that's a real thing, that you get stronger at looking at certain experiences. Towards the end of today's meditation, I started feeling this really intense current that gave me spasms, which sometimes happens. But I noticed it was hard for me to keep my gaze on the center of that current, so to speak. Is there something else I should do besides looking at it?
You said "a center of the current." What is that? What are you referring to?
An intense physical current that flows up through my head. My body really tenses at moments. When I look toward the intensity, it seems to flow or discharge more, something like that.
I would recommend not trying to manipulate that much. Just let it come and go. It is probably very tempting to try to achieve something or do something energetically, and that opens a lot of rooms to get lost in.
I don't think I've ever tried to do anything with it. But is there something to this idea that the gaze gets gradually stronger? Is that real?
Becoming less identified
Yes. What you refer to as the gaze getting stronger, I would describe as becoming less identified. When attention is contracted and identified in thought, releasing that contraction will naturally free up energy of different kinds. As you were saying, it can happen that we are avoiding something and we fall asleep as a way to avoid it. But sometimes falling asleep is the right thing. There is no rule about falling asleep.
I'm just curious that it seems I can now stay awake when I think before I couldn't.
That's good. It sounds like in your case, in this specific example, you were falling asleep to avoid something. But then the reverse can also happen, where you go to a deeper state if you fall asleep, or something can release.
Keep observing, and don't bother too much with the energy. Just let it come when it comes. You could have fun and explore what happens with your attention if you gaze directly at it, but it is more like playing than doing anything, going anywhere, or achieving anything. Let the process do what it does. Things happen at that level, but what really matters is prior to that. Just ride the wave.