Chasing Illusions and Facing What Is Real
Persiguiendo ilusiones y enfrentando lo que es real
A student expresses frustration at having pursued an imagined version of awakening, recognizing it as a distraction from the real emotions and patterns demanding attention in his life.
Chasing Illusions and Facing What Is Real
A student expresses frustration at having pursued an imagined version of awakening, recognizing it as a distraction from the real emotions and patterns demanding attention in his life.
I realized I was listening to your story of awakening or liberation. I've heard it a few times, and I noticed I'm pissed at myself. I was wanting that, and to begin with, I have no idea what it is you're talking about. Actually, the way you describe it now, I think I don't want it. But I don't know, because how could I know if I don't know what it is?
It's being pissed at who could want that: the separate self, the ego. Wasting my time wanting that. How ridiculous. And now I'm in this huge crisis with my partner, and all these patterns and fears I wasn't facing are springing up. Most of it I wasn't even realizing, and I was wasting my time pursuing illusions. I'm not saying what you described is an illusion, but for me it is, because I have no way of knowing what it is.
So it's like: stop wasting your time in illusions and face whatever is real, whatever real emotions and feelings there are to face. Man up. This is more complex than it sounds. It's part of the crisis I'm going through. I just wanted to express it. If you want to say something, good. If not, that's fine too.
One of the things to see is how the emotional reactivity is part of that same thing. Being pissed at yourself is part of the habit.
Riding the energy
There is an aspect to what we are describing that involves riding that energy, riding the anger and frustration, and moving it into passion for what you want. Any imagination of what I went through should only be taken, at best, as something to inspire. Chasing what I went through is a complete waste of time.
What the universe wants through you
If you're chasing the imagination of what I went through, that is just more distraction. It's about what you want. Go after what you want the most. This is where there is no distinction between spiritual and non-spiritual, worldly and not worldly. If we do go after what we want the most, we will face the untamed. We will go through a deep spiritual process.
This is where you see all those stories of meditators who go to a temple and spend their entire life meditating or doing all kinds of practices, and nothing happens. Possibly they were avoiding a life of sexuality, parenthood, and working the fields, simply out of fear of the pain of that kind of journey. This is not a map for anybody; it's just an example.
That is why I always ask the question: what is it that the universe wants through you, or as you? I phrase it that way because it's not a small thing. It's the biggest thing that your whole being could conceive, explore, imagine. If you allow yourself to listen to that and live that, you will wake up. You will face the untamed. You will know the unknowable. It will just be a matter of time.