The Treasure That Is Always Here
El Tesoro Que Siempre Está Aquí
A student explores the recurring pattern of opening and closing, the fear that blocks deeper seeing, and the belief that something is missing. The teacher points to curiosity over discipline, the illusion of lack, and the freedom of not knowing what you are.
The Treasure That Is Always Here
A student explores the recurring pattern of opening and closing, the fear that blocks deeper seeing, and the belief that something is missing. The teacher points to curiosity over discipline, the illusion of lack, and the freedom of not knowing what you are.
Going deeper is the point. There is so much misinterpreting, taking things to be real: my loss, my life, my situation. The mind keeps telling its story. And there is seeing that the mind is barking, barking, pretending it is not. There was a blocking in the mind, an inability to hear the message. There is a relief when something opens. But that relief doesn't last long.
It doesn't last because you haven't explored it fully. I say "maybe" because I can't give it to you as a belief. If I tell you something in words that describes what I think is true, it will only be words. It will become a belief for you, not your truth.
The child and the bicycle
It is like the metaphor of a child who really feels they need that bicycle, who is convinced they will never be happy without it. And you say, "You can be happy without it. You can be okay without it." The child is totally disarmed, trying to believe that it is happy, that it is okay, and it only creates more psychological distress: "Why should I be able to be happy when I'm not?"
So when I say "maybe," I mean: contemplate that possibility, take it very seriously, but you have to really walk it. You have to explore it fully. The child goes off to play with friends, comes up with a game, and two hours later finds herself playing, having completely forgotten about the bicycle. Then she realizes, "Oh, wow, I don't need the bicycle." We really need to explore it. And this is not as simple as a child and a bicycle. This is a really deep attachment.
It is. Every time I listen to your talks, there is this split of release from the mind, like a guard drops. But when I go back to my life, the guard just goes back up. Everything locks in again. And when I come back to your message, there is openness, and then the blocking returns. That is why I am here.
That is my job, in a sense: to inspire, to be an example, and to point in a direction that you cannot really point to. It is just an attempt at pointing. Then it really is up to you to take that and explore it deeply and fully.
There is seeing, noticing, where this opening opens up. It just feels easy, flowing. Everything appears and fades away, appears and fades away. The noticing is not picking up stuff. And there are many times when the noticing feels neutral, just smooth, naturally happening. But there are also many moments when it feels like noticing from a position, associated with judgment. The noticing keeps changing.
Yes, so just explore deeply. Whatever you feel when you taste something, you said you come here, taste something, then move on and it goes away and comes back and goes away and comes back. That is a really good thing. You are able to taste it, and you keep going back to it. At some point you can start to explore what is happening that it comes and goes.
Deep satisfaction is not neutral okayness
What we really want is a very deep satisfaction. It is not just a neutral okayness. That deep satisfaction, deep well-being, deep peace is really possible. But it is not something you achieve. You discover it, and you discover it to be here always. Don't take my word for it as some truth. Take it as a pointing. I am saying there is a treasure; go look for it. The only thing to be clear about is: always look for it now, here.
So when you are not in this call and you feel like that deeper well-being went away, really look for it in your experience.
I feel like at this point there is something preventing me from going further, deeper. There is willingness and openness to go deeper, but something is stopping it.
That is very natural. Just trust me that there is never an obstacle that is too big. It is only as big as your imagination. We can imagine very big, scary things, but they are only the size of our imagination and they have the reality of our imagination.
I don't know. It is a lot of fears. And because of the fear, there is a need to control, to take care of the situation, to make sure I don't go homeless or something like that.
The monster under the bed
Imagine a story. You go to bed every night and you are afraid of the monster under the bed. So you turn the lights on, you have a friend come over, you open the window so it leaves. But you never look under the bed. And so you live trying to control the room at night.
What can be done is to look directly at the fear, directly at the obstacle. It will take time to really see the mechanism. And at the core of it is something that is illusion, in the sense that it is imagination versus what is real.
So would you suggest spending a lot of patience and just keep looking when it comes up?
Just be curious. Be curious. Don't take it as a discipline. Take it as something to be curious about, so that the way you look is not because of a commandment. You will never look very deeply if it comes from discipline. It needs to be a deep curiosity. You really need to want to see. If not, you will just imagine that you saw something and believe your imagination again.
But when that curiosity doesn't happen, does it mean it is not time yet for me to explore that? Does it have to naturally arise by itself?
No. This real wanting to look does not necessarily mean it is not time. You can feel, "I am really not interested, I am not curious," and you can, in a sense, pray. You can feel, "I am brave. I am open to look." But at the same time, there is nothing there. You feel the sensation of fear, and it is not going anywhere deeper. You feel into fear, it fades, and then there is nothing.
Finding beauty in fear
Try to see what in your experience is beautiful when fear is present. Not to create something, not to imagine something. You need to find it. When fear arises, it is really the whole body. The heartbeat is different. That is fine. It is like watching a movie, and everything is activating in fear. You do not have to change it.
Then you can even see if you can appreciate the aesthetic of fear. The beauty of, "Wow, my heart is racing." This sensation. It changes the way you approach it. Instead of seeing it as something that should not be happening, you can taste it: "Oh, there is actually something quite delightful here." That is why people go to watch scary movies. You can savor fear in a way that is not rejecting it, not seeing it as a problem.
That reminds me. While this fear arises, I did feel a sense of calm, which I could not locate whatsoever, but somehow I felt it. That is probably what helped me stick through the fear experience in the body. There is a calm there.
The calm, which you cannot explain and cannot locate, is more real. It is deeper. And from there, look into the fear. When there is fear, look for what you can appreciate as beautiful.
But the thing is, I now think that this sense of calm is what I always feel, and that is what makes everything fade away, subside. I always feel this calm, and then everything comes up. So I think the other part prevents it from going deeper.
The sense of lack
Whatever your sense of going deeper is, it may be a sense of something lacking. There might be something more to deepen, but it might just be the sense of lack. Be curious and look at it.
The sense of lack is triggered by the situation.
The sense of lack is triggered by the situation, but it is not real in the situation. It comes from a belief that is projected. It is a view, a position. For example: "Things are not going to go well for me," or "I don't have what I need to address this," or "I'm not good enough," or "This situation doesn't have what I need." All of that comes from an interpretation that something is missing, either in me or in the situation.
This relating, this interpretation, it is the belief for me.
Yes, but it is an imagination. You are looking at the world from that imagination, through a veil which also defines you. It defines you as the one who does not have something, or the one who is missing something in the situation. It is an interpretation of what you are. It is a belief, and it is really deep. In fact, it is so deep that we think that is what we are.
That is what I think. And it is like, if that goes away, I disappear.
It is like "I think, therefore I am." You could say, "Something is missing in me, therefore I am." Or, "Something is wrong in my life, therefore it defines the I am." And it is false. It is an imagination. But we are attached because it defines the "I." We feel we know what we are. And freedom requires the not-knowing of what you are. You cannot know what you are and be free. You cannot know what you are and be at peace.
I am the alpha and the omega
That is what I consciously realize: even when I do not have this belief, I am. Life still appears. Everything still appears.
"I am" is fine. Everything appears. There is beingness, I-am-ness. But "I am because," or "I am this, I am that," that is defining the I am. I don't know why I keep quoting Jesus, but Jesus said, "I am the alpha and the omega." In the Greek alphabet, that is the first and last letter. He is saying "I am" is all, is everything. It cannot be defined. If he had said "I am the alpha," then he would be defining it as not everything else, not omega and everything in between. But "I am the alpha and the omega." I cannot define myself.
There is a level of operating where, yes, I operate as if I am this body. But experientially, I cannot define myself as something here and not there. I do not have that experience. And it was very clear, when that interpretation stopped, that it was not real. It was just an interpretation. I had to imagine an image of myself in my mind and locate it, and that would create the imagination of everything over there that is not me. Then I was living as if that were reality. Now the difference is that all of that is just mind and imagination, and it is not even necessary most of the time.
If I really try to look at what I am, at what is here, there is nothing. And then there is everything. There is something, for sure. I hope that helps.
Yes. Very helpful. I appreciate your pointing. Thank you so much.
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I have mentioned this to you before, but it keeps coming up. Every time I check, peace is always here. Love is always here. And it is huge. It is not just some small thing; it is like this burst of love and joy and happiness. And the checking itself is already this expansion of awareness. I do not even have to do the second part.
But the fact that I have to keep checking is so annoying. I know that is the case by now. It has happened so many times. It is always there. I do not want it to become another belief, like "Yeah, it is always there." I want it to be my constant experience. But it still happens that I get caught in thought, and that trails on as long as it does, and then it is like, "Oh, check again," and great, we are good until the next thing happens.
What is the problem with tension?
What is the problem when you get lost in thought?
It is uncomfortable. There is tension in my head and my body.
And what is the problem with tension?
Well, my first response is that there is a belief that it is not correct on this awakening path, like you are supposed to not get lost in thought.
I am not addressing that belief. What is wrong with tension?
Okay. Yeah, then that part is... yeah.
There is a belief that the tension should not be there. That is the belief. It is not about getting lost in thought. You get lost in thought because you believe the tension should not be there. And therefore, you do not have the peace I am talking about. You do not know it. The peace you are talking about is conditioned.
Peace is lost conditionally? Yes. And then I can check in the moment of the tension and see that the peace is there with the tension.
Not "with." In.
Sure. Same thing.
Then what is the problem?
That is what I am saying to you. When I check, there is no problem. It is beautiful. Great.
You cannot live checking, checking.
That is what I am saying. And I will add this second part. It bothers me because the teaching I came from says to check all the time, that there is this razor's edge until the body dies.
The belief that drops
No. Maybe they say that, but I do not agree with it. Yes, check all the time that you can, but it is not until the body dies. It is until the belief drops. What you are checking is like believing Santa Claus is real. Then you see Santa Claus was actually your dad. Then you believe again Santa Claus is real. So you check again. You believe and you check, and you believe and you check. At some point, the belief drops. Do you then need to check in order to know that Santa Claus is not real? Are you consumed by thinking about Santa Claus being real? It becomes irrelevant.
I have no idea why this really bothers me.
I understand. You are doing the right thing, but at some point you will not need to check. You will not need to reconfirm your realization.
I would hope so. I don't know why this teaching is so different. It is very odd to me. There are other teachers who say you are always going to fall off, that is life, and the ego will come and take over, and it is this devotion to truth that keeps bringing you back, and it is living on a razor's edge.
Let me put it this way. You need to check a hundred times a day. And at some point, probably quite drastically, not progressively and gradually, you will need to check thirty moments a year.
So you still check.
Not really. Maybe. I don't know. The checking is instantaneous when you really see. I cannot say otherwise, because I cannot know where my attention is going in a whole year. But I assume that at some point maybe there is some kind of reconfirming, though I don't think it is necessary.
Well, it just happens on its own.
Everything is happening on its own.
I feel like the devotion to truth is just that. There is no way that for the rest of my life it is done. The thought to want to check is going to keep coming.
I get it, but you are going to forget about that thought when it is no longer important. There is still a belief, still a conditioning.
So is that like, just investigate the belief when I am caught?
Investigate what pulls you into thought
When you are going into being lost in thought, don't struggle with being lost in thought. Notice what is happening. What is pulling you into thought? What is tempting about thought?
It is always just fear, right?
But the fear is a consequence. There is a belief. There is a belief about what you are. Therefore you know you will die. Which is very different from saying, "I know this body is going to die." What is death? Will I die? I don't know. I really don't know. In fact, I have memories of past lives. Are they real? I don't know. I am fifty-fifty on that. I cannot formulate a belief about it.
But you were saying the body dying is different.
I highly predict, with so much confidence that I am not going to bother considering the option, that this body is not immortal.
But all the fears are body-related. When they come up, it is about protection.
The fears are the belief that what you are is limited to the body and depends on the body. It is a belief about you. Even just consider that you might reincarnate. Don't believe it; just go fifty-fifty.
I am not really contemplating death. It is not about that. It is more like rent, where you are going to live. The everyday stuff.
That is what I mean. When you are not at the deeper level, when you are caught in the more superficial, that is why I asked you what the problem is with thought. You pointed to the contraction, the sensations of contraction. The belief is projected on the contractions. If there is a discomfort in the body: "I'm not okay." And then you go into thought.
And I have all these chronic health things. That ties into the whole story of "Here is a new problem to fix again today." But yeah, all of that comes back to death.
Only at the level of life and death
Ultimately, the conditioning you have will only get resolved at the level of life and death. Only at the level of contemplating what you really are can you then realize that you cannot know whether you die. You cannot know whether there will be an end to you. And in fact, it starts to become pretty clear that there very likely is not.
Even just in the asking and the checking, it is so clear there is no body in the moment. In that moment, it is just the spaciousness. And there is nothing to protect. So that becomes clear.
Yes, and you need to look at where it is not clear.
And I have no clue how to do that more than what I am already doing.
Oh, but you are. We talked about it. It is when you have those thoughts, when you find yourself lost in thought and there is a problem. I can imagine a lot of things, no problem. But if you get lost in thought and there is a problem, a sense of something starting to contract and not be okay, something starting to feel missing, or you need to reconfirm or check, all of that, there is a sense of a problem.
Then I asked you, what is the problem? And you gave me an answer. This is the kind of exploration you can do. "The problem is that the sensation of contraction should not be here. So I will only be okay if there is no sensation of contraction."
And you are saying to do what with that?
Look at it as a belief. See that it is a belief. It might be to say: the only way to be okay is to not need to be okay. Something like that. I don't know exactly how to translate it.
It is one thing to be a certain way. But "I will only be okay when things are a certain way" is guaranteed to always not feel okay, because there is going to be something that is not how you want it to be.
But then where is there space for just the human obviousness of, yeah, you don't want to live in a pile of garbage?
There is a lot of space for that. But there is no underlying dissatisfaction, no deep sense of something really wrong and missing, no scary pain that turns into turmoil and the mind going crazy. All of that can go away, or be seen as really just imagination. And then you live in the ways that you want to live, creating the life you can. But it is like a co-creation, like a dance: the universe, all of it, dialoguing. And you are not one of those in particular.
Yeah, it does feel like that. It touches on another question that keeps coming up. I can't figure out the difference anymore between people who are just living a happy life and this path. There are so many people who never question who they are and have never gone to this painful depth.
That is fine. But don't assume you know what their experience is.
It is not really about them, because "them" is another projection anyway. It is more about how it relates to my life and my judgments of how I am living. Sometimes I think I am just living that way and not recognizing it. Other times I think, no, I haven't really seen through what I want to see. And that is when I start comparing. It is always just trying to understand my experience. Maybe I am being hard on myself about believing this concept of "I'm not there yet." But I am not saying I am there, whatever "there" is. I am saying there is probably another layer of missing what is already here.
When you are there, the question will not matter. You will not have questions. You will love life. Period. No comparison needed.
Being hard on yourself and being special
I am wondering about something, because you said two things that to me are kind of opposite. There might be a sense around being hard on yourself, and also around being special. Those are two polarities, and they create each other. The comparison with others is part of that dynamic of identifying. There is an idea of you in your mind and imagination, and then there is that tension between "not good enough" and "specialness."
Yep, definitely.
Again, what is that doing? It is creating a belief, a view. Just keep looking. Keep looking. And I will say: keep checking, until you really find it.