Resistance Is Not a Wrong Turn
La resistencia no es un camino equivocado
A student asks whether the experience of resistance is a sign that something is wrong or misaligned, and the teacher reframes resistance as simply another wave to surf.
Resistance Is Not a Wrong Turn
A student asks whether the experience of resistance is a sign that something is wrong or misaligned, and the teacher reframes resistance as simply another wave to surf.
Something struck me when you said there are some thoughts that are deeply aligned with what we truly want. I was wondering: if you feel resistance, does that mean every time you feel it, something is defending or trying to protect something that isn't true? Is resistance an indication of being on the wrong track, of not seeing something, of trying to pursue or protect something untrue?
No, it's the opposite. When you're experiencing resistance, you're going in the right direction.
A practical example
Can I give you an example? There's something playing inside of me around having enough time to rest and not being in overdrive, because I have a very active personality. A little earlier I was with my neighbor. She's very sweet and I love her, but she talks a lot, and I just wanted to go home. The satsang was starting, and then this super strong resistance came about talking to her. I love her so much, but it was so strong, and I felt like I really needed to find a way to say goodbye and go.
This kind of resistance can happen constantly throughout the day. Every time I'm doing something, it feels like I need to get out of the situation. So if we take it really practically: what is my deepest desire in this moment? On one hand, I'm really happy to talk to her and it's nice. But then there's this feeling that there's something else a little later that I won't manage to catch up with. I'm not completely getting this thing about following what I truly want. I have no idea what I want.
No one lives with the answer
The problem is that I can't answer for you what you want. But we're exploring the question of how to guide or ignite this process, and you're already in it. You're already exploring. You're noticing resistance. You're having questions without answers. I don't, for example, live with an answer to the question of what I want. I have no answer.
That's the thing.
And what I do know is that something can get unlocked. Something can get freed up, and it can make a really big difference. In the example of talking to your neighbor and feeling a familiar sensation of discomfort that you're calling resistance, or "I don't want to be in this conversation," or "I have to go," it might simply be a knowing that you need to end the conversation. It has a certain discomfort or contraction as the experience, but it doesn't mean that anything wrong or unaligned is happening.
However, if you start to notice a habit, that whenever you're in certain kinds of conversations you feel that way, then you can look more deeply at what's happening.
I'm so happy I asked this question because I feel like you're already spot on. First of all, there's a looking for an answer, and I feel like that's the trick: something wants an answer, and just by asking the question it's already enough. And also, if something is repetitive, to go inside and look a little further. Why not?
The metaphor of surfing
That's why the metaphor of surfing is good. Because if you're surfing and you ask yourself, "Which way do I want to go, right or left?" you're likely going to fall. It's more about a certain kind of not knowing. There is no answer, but you feel and you take a risk. You take a risk and you're still on the board, or you take a risk and you're off the board.
And this is why the other thing you said is also so helpful: just not believing that anything is wrong because there's a strong sensation of discomfort. If you start surfing and suddenly you destabilize, and then you say, "Oh my God, this is really wrong, it shouldn't be happening," you're more likely to fall. I can really relate to this with what happened with my neighbor. First, I wanted to know what I should do: should I stay with her, or should I just go because I really want to go? And then there was this feeling of, "Oh my God, I'm feeling this super strong resistance again, and I don't want to feel this, so something is wrong."
The superficial mind looks for what's wrong
When you say the word "wrong," that's the desire of the superficial mind.
It's not so clear in the moment. Now that you're saying it, going back into the experience, I can see there was this feeling of something being wrong. And I have it quite systematically: as soon as resistance arises, the mind says, "This shouldn't be there. This means something. What does it mean? What should I do now?" And you're debunking this right now. If I don't know, and I feel moved to go a little deeper, then eventually I would just know.
That's exactly how the superficial mind works. It's going to look for what's wrong, convince itself that it's right, and then seek a really clear, certain path toward a solution or an answer about what to do.
I was not conscious of that before you said it so clearly just now.
It starts from a sense that what is happening now is not okay. There's something wrong and it has to be different. And then, only through thinking, only by going into the world of contracted thought, can we try to manipulate what is in order to make it become what it "should" be.
What was really being rejected
For example, what was going on for me while I was with my neighbor was that I was trying to figure out what was wrong. I was feeling like the problem was the fact that I was talking to her. But actually, what the mind felt was wrong was the sensation of resistance itself, and this is what I wasn't seeing. What makes it so clear now is that the resistance was what I was rejecting. It wasn't even so much the interaction with her. There was a desire to end the conversation quickly and go home to get ready for the satsang, but what was really bothering me was the resistance. It's that feeling of discomfort in the body that you clearly want to reject and stop.
So what we're suggesting now is: either you just go with it and stop the conversation and that's fine, nothing's wrong. Or you take a little time and go deeper to investigate whether it's just a habit, whether maybe something can shift, but without wanting to change anything. Just looking at it.
Resistance as a new wave
Just one more thing. When you experience resistance as something wrong, instead experience it, look at it, as a different new wave. Surf with that sensation. Experience the resistance instead of saying it's wrong and it needs to be this way or that way.
That metaphor is very helpful. I'm going to use it.