Telling the Difference Between Habitual Desire and Deep Desire
Distinguir entre el deseo habitual y el deseo profundo
A question about how to distinguish between the voice of resistance and a deeper, authentic desire, especially when all thoughts seem equally empty and unreliable.
Telling the Difference Between Habitual Desire and Deep Desire
A question about how to distinguish between the voice of resistance and a deeper, authentic desire, especially when all thoughts seem equally empty and unreliable.
When you say "listen to the desire," is that the same as turning into thoughts? Falling into the running stories in the back of the mind? There's a habit of being pulled into thought, the running story behind everything. It has no sound, but it keeps running constantly. Is that the same as listening to the silence? It feels similar: no sound, but an inner voice that keeps suggesting, keeps reflecting, keeps being triggered by events. It goes on and on. I have enough awareness to draw my attention away from this voice and try to focus on whatever I'm doing, or to shift my attention to sensations in the body. But it has no sound, and it keeps telling stories in the background. It can become a form of resistance. If I make a mistake, for example, it will keep repeating, "Oh, what a failure," and so on. I was wondering if that is the same as what you were describing: listening to the resistance and listening to the desire.
I'm not sure I understand you fully. Are you trying to understand the difference between listening to the desire that comes from resistance and listening to the desire that is deeper?
I cannot tell what is the superficial, egoic desire and what is the true desire. I don't really know what I want at this point. I am aware that whatever thought comes up, any suggestion, any logic, it's always making things up. It's not sound. It's not something I would follow. So how do I listen to it? How do I listen to the desire and find out what I really want, when all thoughts are just empty? They come and go. I don't know how to listen to resistance, because resistance is also a thought. It's all stories in the head.
The difference between thought and believed thought
Resistance is not exactly just thought. It is believing certain thoughts. The difference is not about the thoughts themselves, because you could have a thought that is one hundred percent aligned with what you deeply want right now. For example, coffee. To make it simple. I'm not talking about huge choices. It could be just coffee.
The thought "I want coffee" could be perfectly aligned with your deepest desire in this moment. You could be in a cafeteria and say, "I want a coffee, I want an espresso with milk," and it is one hundred percent aligned. You express it as yourself, wanting a coffee, and none of it has any resistance, any ignorance, any identification. It is the expression of the deepest desire.
Now, same situation, hypothetically, everything exactly the same. And it can be completely out of alignment, completely from resistance. Because actually you wanted tea, or you wanted to go for a walk, or you wanted to call your mother. The thoughts we have don't determine one or the other. It is prior to thought. That is precisely why looking at our thinking helps us become able to distinguish the difference.
A constant, creative exploration
So, to your question: what is the difference? It is a bit of an art to develop this knowing, and it is a constant exploration. We can become better at the artistic, creative process of listening more deeply. This is an infinite progress. We get better and better if we explore.
Habitual versus new
Now, the thing that comes from resistance is going to be habitual. One of its characteristics is that it belongs to the past. It is going to be something very known, related to our upbringing, our conditioning, to what we know as our normal reality. The deeper desire, by contrast, is often in friction with that. It is always more new, always more creative.
Even the example of coffee: you could have a routine of drinking coffee, so it is a habit. But every time you come to it with a genuine love for it, that is different. There is something alive in it, as opposed to something being avoided through it.
Avoidance versus love
At the deepest place, the difference is this: the desire that comes from resistance is trying to avoid something. It is an attempt at controlling and avoiding.